There are four items in the known universe that actually taste better to a hot sauce addict without adding hot sauce. They are:

1. Breath mints
2. Breakfast cereal
3. Water
4. Toothpaste

At first, one might consider hot sauce itself as a contender for this list. On the contrary. Sometimes even hot sauce tastes better with hot sauce.

There’s a basic principle involved: hot sauce addicts like things hot. We like ketchup hot. Ketchup, the sauce people are criticized for overusing as kids, tastes better with a sauce we’re now criticized for overusing as adults. It seems that Heinz agrees with us, though: they now sell a version of their ketchup with Tabasco already added. It’s pretty good, especially after you add more hot sauce.

Once you’re addicted to hot sauce, your appreciation for it grows whether you like it or not. As a joke, I once added hot sauce to my sandwich for lunch. Since then, I’ve never made a sandwich without it.

When I open the refrigerator for something to snack on, say, a piece of cheese, you can bet it gets hot sauce. Of course, to find something to snack on, the hot sauce has to be moved out of the way of the things to be snacked on. Ok, that’s an exaggeration, but my refrigerator does contain 15 different bottles of hot sauce at this very moment. I’ve got: two old standbys; a West Indian hot sauce; one for seafood with a picture of a crab on the label clipping off a woman’s bikini; another with a picture of a Rasta dude with fire coming out of his butt; one that’s homemade; one with an obscenity in its name; and two somewhere in the back that are so hot they’re frankly inedible.

Hot sauce usage is usually done behind closed doors. Nevertheless, there is a certain lifestyle. Hot sauce addicts have hot sauce t-shirts. They have posters with pictures of hot sauce. I have a poster that tells me how all the hot peppers stand up against each other in terms of – what else – their hotness. I also have one wooden hot sauce rack (the “on-deck circle” of soon-to-be-used hot sauces), and a couple of custom-made shelves to display the who-knows-how-many unique empty hot sauce bottles. I’ve got a book on hot sauce, another book on making hot sauce and hot food, and a hot sauce kit for making hot sauce. I don’t have a hot sauce business. (I’d rather be eating hot sauce than selling it.)

As mentioned above, hot sauce addicts are actually criticized for using hot sauce. This, you may have assumed, this must be an exaggeration. No one would criticize someone for their comestible preferences, right? In a chilephobic world, you better believe it.

Not that we’re criticized every day, of course. (I haven’t had to move or change my name.) But when we do hear it, the criticism comes from people unusually defensive about their taste buds:

“Oh my God, how can you put hot sauce on that!”

Like that without hot sauce is intrinsically better than with. Who made the aficionados of the bland the sovereigns of sauce? Presumably, there’s nothing wrong with a French saucier adding sauce to his Creme Francaise L’Orange (or whatever), but if I pour Matouk’s on my chicken cutlet, I’m some kind of lowlife. Damn the purveyors of boring foods! May they be sentenced to an eternity of white bread, overcooked rice, and soggy, freezer-burned fish sticks! Then when they’re about to go over the edge and realize how much they could use some hot sauce – any hot sauce – offer them all the McDonald’s McNugget sauce they can eat. Then we’ll see who wishes they could be patronizing our good friends at Avery Island, LA in the afterlife.

But some people are sincerely curious. After all, a true mania for hot foods is somewhat unusual in the Western World (especially if you’re of European descent and appear to be mentally stable). “Why do you like it spicy?” friends and relatives will wonder. We also wonder, but don’t ask: “Why don’t you?”

I know people who add salt to just about everything, but I have to admit, I could care less why. How would they explain it, anyway – on what basis?

“Well, the interaction of the sodium chloride molecules with the cells of my taste buds cause such and such a combination of neurons to flare up inside my brain, thereby releasing such and such a chemical into my body, resulting in this remarkable physiological reaction we call pleasure.”

Kind of ridiculous, isn’t it? Nevertheless, I do have a somewhat vague, metaphorical way of describing what hot sauce adds to food. Besides the variety of flavors that make up any sauce (and can improve food’s flavor in themselves), the obvious attribute of hot sauce that mystifies people is the heat. So, what is it that’s so good about spice? In a word, texture. Spice is like the crunch in a potato chip, the bubbles in a Coke, the heat in your coffee. If these foods didn’t have their characteristic textures, they’d still “taste” the same, wouldn’t they? Sure, but even though people realize the incredible role of smells in our enjoyment of what we eat, not everyone realizes how much texture plays a part. Some people like their bagels crunchy, some like them chewy, and others like them crunchy on the outside and chewy in the inside. The point is: texture matters! And hot sauce adds a texture missing from most foods – a bite that grips onto your taste buds and won’t let go.

So, you see, there is actually some rationale for pouring on the Tabasco or the RedHot – or the Bustelo’s, the Rectal Rocket Fuel, the Mountainman Fire Roasted Habanero Sauce, Craig’s Hot Pepper Sauce (“New Jersey’s Finest”), Jamaica Best Hot Pepper Sauce, Chili Chomper’s Habanero Fire Sauce, Hot Buns at the Beach Hot Sauce (or anything else from Starboard Restaurant), Sunny Caribbee Calypso Hot Sauce, El Yucateco Salsa Picante Verde, Ass Kickin’ Hot Sauce, Jump Up and Kiss Me Hot Sauce, or the trying-to-stay-hip, yet surprisingly good Tabasco Habanero Hot Pepper Sauce.

Maybe next time you’re having some less-than-sensational leftovers, you might even want to try one of these yourself. That is, if you think you’re up for it, and everything that goes along with it. Who knows, I might even end up seeing you at a monthly meeting of the Hot Sauce-aholics Anonymous. But if I do – one word of advice: bring your own hot sauce.

The hot stuff challenge

David Ryder / The Daily
Reporter Garrett McCulloch puts his stomach to the test against a shot of Tabasco pepper sauce in an experiement to find out how a person might fare against spicy food.

It’s man against spice, as The Daily sends one of its own to defy the norms of ingestion

By Garrett McCulloch
October 20, 2004

Spicy food: Some like it, others don’t, and a few truly daring devotees see it as a challenge.

Everyone knows at least one of these people. They are the ones who don’t taste what they eat as much as they feel it burn. When it comes to eating, their goal is to test their physical limits more than anything else.

In general, spicy food has a loyal following. Anyone can see this in the number of pre-packaged foods with spicy options, or even in the sheer force of the word “habanero.” Look at any antacid commercial, or the endless list of hot sauces on the market, and it is obvious this is a nation that treasures hot food.

I subjected my own digestive system to this test, putting it through a two-day spice gauntlet. After this, I was sure I would know my limits. Calling up a few good friends for moral support, I noticed that most seemed delighted to spend a few hours watching the self-destructive carnage that ensued.

Granted, food to me is better with a little kick to it. My kitchen is well-stocked with the standards — chili powder, chili oil, cayenne pepper and a half-gallon jug of hot red pepper flakes take up their fair share of space behind my cupboard doors.

But it was time to go a little farther.

CHALLENGE I: MANY, MANY STARS

The first stop was Thai Tom, one of several Thai restaurants one the Ave. Their entrees can be spiced to anyone’s taste, on a typical scale of one to five stars. I decided this was nowhere near enough, so I ordered nine-star Panang curry chicken.

Surprisingly, there was still some flavor behind the heat. My more sadistic friend who came along hoped to rectify this by pouring even more chili sauce onto the plate as I looked away. Even with this added boost, most of the burning subsided within about 20 minutes, leaving only a dull pain for the next few hours.

Heartburn from a spicy meal is nothing out of the ordinary. But when it becomes a chronic issue, there could be a more serious health problem behind it. According to the National Digestive Diseases Information Clearinghouse (NDDIC), a branch of the National Institutes for Health, the array of fiery foods is just one of the contributors to heartburn-related complications. Alcohol, fatty foods and smoking seem to be equally responsible.

When heartburn and acid reflux persist, according to the NDDIC Web site, Gastroesophegal Reflux Disease could be the problem. No one knows for sure what root causes lie behind this disorder, but over time it can lead to more serious health issues, including ulcers. The most extreme cases have even been connected to cancer.

Generally, a few lifestyle changes and over-the-counter antacids will handle the problem, according to the NDDIC, but the most severe circumstances could even require surgery.

This information did little to comfort me as I headed toward the local grocery store for my next challenge.

CHALLENGE II: ONE SHOT OF TABASCO

I picked up a bottle of Tabasco pepper sauce. One of the well-known names in hot sauce, Tabasco derives its kick solely from red peppers, the same ingredient that many people sprinkle on their pizza. In fact, the bottle has a modest list of three ingredients–distilled vinegar, red pepper and salt.

At this point, I reluctantly filled a shot glass with the pepper juice, doing everything I could to delay the inevitable for even a few seconds.

Do not ever do this, no matter how much prestige or money others may be offering. The aftermath is not what one would expect — but something entirely different and much, much worse.

“Bad! Not hot, just bad!” I screamed in agony after choking the shot down, according to eyewitnesses. The peppers are far from the strongest of the three ingredients.

I had expected to be writhing in pain on my kitchen floor from the shot, but instead found myself frantically looking for a glass of water to flush the taste of mildly spicy vinegar from my mouth.

Vinegar taste aside, the peppers may have actually been healthy. Dietician Dee Sandquist, a spokesperson for the American Dietetic Association, said hot peppers are far less likely to cause a severe gastrointestinal condition than to aggravate something already wrong with the digestive system.

“In general, they have some good antioxidants that contribute to overall immune functioning,” said Sandquist, adding that there is evidence that certain spices can have other health benefits, even helping to prevent cancer.

“In some cultures, they use them in health-enhancing roles,” she said, pointing to cayenne pepper as near the top of a list on healthy spices.

For the healthy side of spicy food to really work, though, there should be a healthy digestive system (one that can handle the heat) processing them.

“Everyone is different in how they tolerate them,” Sandquist said.

CHALLENGE III: WALL OF FLAME

Starting to question my own tolerance, I began round three. This took me to Wing Dome, one of the Ave.’s more infamous temples of excessive spice. Hoping to land a spot on the (somewhat) coveted “Wall of Flame,” all that stood in the way was two of their hottest chicken wings.

I thought it would be a good idea to start out with a warm-up round, ordering a few of their tamer wings to start out with. Even these were fairly spicy, but nothing too excruciating. With these out of the way, the hot “7-alarm” wings were next on the list.

Just the thought of the sauce drenching these wings is painful — the ingredients of the sauce alone could make up a spice hall of fame. The butter and oil base gets its power from a near-lethal combination of Tabasco sauce, chili powder, crushed red pepper, and habaneros — arguably the king of all hot peppers. The end product comes out as more of a paste than a sauce.

It hurt. From the first bite, the combination of peppers burned their way through my mouth. These concoctions were nothing but hot. This was the worst of the horrors, since any flavor the chicken or sauce may have ever had was crushed by the onslaught of pure pepper heat. I didn’t feel like what I was eating could rightly even be called food.

The wings scorched everything from my lips to the back of my throat. This burning was not as quick to go away, either. I felt the pain slither its way through my chest and stomach regions for several hours after.

My photo, though, now hangs triumphantly along with the hundred-or-so others who have survived the challenge over the years.

In the end, I emerged a survivor — so far.

Sudbury, MA (PRWEB) October 20, 2004 — ASHLEY FOOD COMPANY is premiering the latest brainchild of JOE PERRY, lead guitarist for Aerosmith (news – web sites) – exotic MANGO-PEACH TANGO hot sauce, joining his hit “Rock Your World” BONEYARD BREW hot sauce. Available online and in quality food venues, along with 14 award-winning sauces in the Ashley Foods line.

Joe is a very hot rocker and a very creative cook. He personally develops, oversees production, and promotes his sauces – now everyone can “Cook like Joe Perry”. Look for Joe Perry “cooking” up hot rock licks onstage, and in food shows and media events. Boneyard Brew is a kickin” combo of BBQ and hot sauce with a backbone of Habanero, Chipotle and bell peppers. It exhibited in many food shows this year, with Joe appearing on EMERIL LIVE, FOOD FINDS and CBS MORNING SHOW. The response was tremendous. We expect nothing less with MANGO-PEACH TANGO, with its unique formula and taste to match its striking label.

MANGO-PEACH TANGO is a succulent sauce, bursting with fresh fruit and heat for any recipe using an innovative hot sauce. Its main ingredients are peach, mango, bell pepper, lime juice, onion, garlic, and Habanero pepper – all fresh. With premium ingredients, no preservatives and lusty flavor, it enhances low-carb diets.

There is a huge Caribbean emphasis in pop culture, influencing cuisine with a fusion approach. MANGO-PEACH TANGO sauce leads the crowd with this number – you will want to dance on the table! How to achieve this mouth-watering experience.

MANGO-PEACH TANGO and BONEYARD BREW are available with or without Joe”s collector guitar pick, and also in a personally autographed collectible bottles. And in time for holiday gifts come cool Boneyard Brew tee-shirts, 3 styles, all attractive and well-made.

Along with Aerosmith Joe Perry”s MANGO-PEACH TANGO and BONEYARD BREW hot sauces, Ashley Foods offers award-winning BBQ sauces, MAD CAT Habanero sauce, and the MAD DOG line. Included are Green Amigo, Liquid Fire, Inferno, Spicy Teriyaki, Hemorrhoid Helper, 357 with a novelty brass bullet attached, among more EXTREME sauces. These have been featured in many fiery foods articles. Owner Dave Ashley has been the inventive sauce master for over 13 years, located in Sudbury, MA.

ASHLEY FOOD COMPANY, INC.
David Ashley
800-617-2823

AEROSMITH Guitarist Launches New Hot Sauce – Oct. 20, 2004

Ashley Food Company is premiering the latest brainchild of Joe Perry, lead guitarist for AEROSMITH — exotic Mango-Peach Tango hot sauce, joining his hit “Rock Your World” Boneyard Brew hot sauce. Available online and in quality food venues, along with 14 award-winning sauces in the Ashley Foods line.

Joe is a very hot rocker and a very creative cook. He personally develops, oversees production, and promotes his sauces — now everyone can “cook like Joe Perry.” Look for Joe Perry “cooking” up hot rock licks onstage, and in food shows and media events. Boneyard Brew is a kickin’ combo of BBQ and hot sauce with a backbone of Habanero, Chipotle and bell peppers. It exhibited in many food shows this year, with Joe appearing on “Emeril Live”, “Food Finds” and “CBS Morning Show”. The response was tremendous.

Mango-Peach Tango is a succulent sauce, bursting with fresh fruit and heat for any recipe using an innovative hot sauce. Its main ingredients are peach, mango, bell pepper, lime juice, onion, garlic, and Habanero pepper — all fresh. With premium ingredients, no preservatives and lusty flavor, it enhances low-carb diets.

Mango-Peach Tango and Boneyard Brew are available with or without Joe’s collector guitar pick, and also in a personally autographed collectible bottles. And in time for holiday gifts come cool Boneyard Brew tee-shirts, three styles, all attractive and well-made.

Along with AEROSMITH Joe Perry’s Mango-Peach Tango and Boneyard Brew hot sauces, Ashley Foods offers award-winning BBQ sauces, Mad Cat Habanero sauce, and the Mad Dog line. Included are Green Amigo, Liquid Fire, Inferno, Spicy Teriyaki, Hemorrhoid Helper, 357 with a novelty brass bullet attached, among more extreme sauces. These have been featured in many fiery foods articles. Owner Dave Ashley has been the inventive sauce master for over 13 years, located in Sudbury, MA.

Hidden Cost of Baseball Fever: Edgy, Weary Workers

Wed Oct 20, 6:25 PM ET U.S. National – Reuters

By Greg Frost

BOSTON (Reuters) – An epic Red Sox-Yankees baseball showdown may be denting worker productivity as bleary-eyed fans call in sick, show up late to work or linger too long around the water cooler dissecting every play, experts said on Wednesday.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that after more than a week of nail-biting, marathon playoff action between two of the most bitter rivals in all of professional sports, millions of Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees fans may be weary and unable to focus on their jobs, relationships — or even their families.

In Boston and New York, employees have openly admitted to arriving late or missing work over the last few days because of games that set length records. Employers, meanwhile, have noticed sluggish, distracted workers seeming to need more caffeine to function properly.

“There are just a lot of tired people at work — people needing a couple of extra cups of coffee to get through the day,” said Ellen Molle, a spokeswoman for Sovereign Bank in Boston.

Stephen Greyser, a professor of sports marketing at Harvard Business School and a Red Sox season ticket holder, likened fans’ anxiety to the stress of taking on a second job.

The games’ impact has even been felt on Wall Street: Financial players overseas have noticed U.S. colleagues appearing distracted by the contest.

“I did see that they took a little time to respond to the good news from IBM and Texas Instruments,” said David Buik, head of business strategy at spread-betting firm Cantor Index in London, speaking about reaction to favorable earnings reports from the technology bellwethers. “They seem to be focused on the ball game.”

LIKE ‘AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP’

Life should return to normal for half of the fan base after Wednesday night’s showdown in the Bronx, where either the Yankees or the Red Sox will win a trip to the World Series (news – web sites) — baseball’s championship.

But for fans of the winning club, it could be more of the same as their team plays another best-of-seven series against either the Houston Astros or the St. Louis Cardinals.

The sense of anxiety is arguably more acute for Red Sox faithful, who are desperate for their club to defeat the arch-rival Yankees and advance to the World Series.

Some believe their team is cursed, noting the Sox have not won a championship since 1918. The Yankees, meanwhile, have won 26 championships over the same 86-years — an astonishing mark of success.

David Barlow, director of the Center for Stress and Anxiety Disorders at Boston University, said being a Red Sox fan has similarities to being in an abusive relationship — and that becomes more pronounced during the playoffs.

“You get beaten down, battered down, slapped around, then all of a sudden you get picked up,” he said.

“I wouldn’t be a bit surprised about worker productivity dropping this week among fans who are so intently focused and anxiously anticipating the outcome of each game.”

A Red Sox fan himself, he admitted to arriving late at work on Wednesday because he stayed up to watch Tuesday’s game.

Yet another source of the baseball fever gripping the Northeast is that for observers of America’s Pastime these are not just ballgames, they are historic milestones laden with emotional peaks and troughs.

The Red Sox came into the American League Championship Series favored to win; they promptly dropped the first three games to the Yankees, including a humiliating 19-8 loss at home on Saturday night.

Pundits had written them off on Sunday, as no team in Major League Baseball history has managed to force a Game Seven after trailing 3-0 in a best-of-seven series.

But the Red Sox proved the naysayers wrong, winning two back-to-back, come-from-behind games in extra innings to set up Tuesday’s Game Six. They won that, too, in a 4-2 stunner, which set up Wednesday’s decisive Game Seven.