Attention all Chileheads who entered the Cutting Room Floor Contest from ExtremeFood.com.

I spoke with Blair and learned that he has already received over 200 entries! But about 25% of those entries don’t have photographs. So if your one of that 25%, please re-send your written entry along with a photo (or a few) of your hot sauce collection. Apparently some entries are quite close to winners but cannot be considered without a photo submission. (You have until Feb 20th.)

All entries will be posted in a developing section of Blair’s website, for all Chileheads to enjoy, so it’s your chance to show off your collection! Plus it’s a chance to win one of 5 sets of a never before seen, never going to be repeated Blair’s collectable. 5 more sets will be offered for sale to those that send in an entry.

Contest Recap:
1) Blair wants to know your favorite way to use his Death Sauces.
“I want to hear your greatest use for any of my Death Sauces. No, I do not want a recipe. I want just want to know how you use it. From something as simple as pouring it on your pizza, to keeping bears off your property, to what you do with the bottle itself (whatever! no rules!)” – Just please, no stupid animal tricks.

2) Email Blair pictures of your hot sauce collection.
“I want to see what’s going on with it. It is not based on if you have all my products (of course, that does make it cooler). But whatever you have send all your details, when you started, how many bottles, your most prized, what people think of it, do your friends/family think your nutz, etc. send it all (info, photos, whatever!)” – Whether its one picture or fifty, send it in!

That’s it! Emails must be received by February 20th (the 19th to be safe). Send your entry to: blair@extremefood.com

Contest Disclaimer: By submitting your email for the “Cutting Room Floor Contest”, you are granting Blair’s Sauces & Snacks and Extremefood.com the express right to use all images and content via web, print, audio or other sources.

What is the Cutting Room Floor?
The “Cutting Room Floor” is a medley of Death Sauce Labels that never made it into production, some dating back to 1989. These are some classics! Some are as new as 2005. See the thousands of hours that are spent by the Worlds Most Obsessive Compulsive Chilihead (aka Blair).

There are some really great ones, but for whatever reason just never made it. Over 1 Dozen bottles in each set that are Signed & Numbered. This is the lowest Reserve Set Blair has ever made!

Other news: Blair is working to get the B-99′s shipped by the end of this week! It takes a lot to step up production of a reserve by 4-6 weeks, so he’s really trying to put the pedal to the metal on this one.

Master! Master! Peppermaster. That’s a bold statement. It’s Canadian, eh? When this itsy-bitsy jar showed up on my front porch, a feeling of trepidation crawled down my spine. Why is jar so small? Does it whup that much ass? Will I burn my mouth just by looking at it too long? Good things in small packages? Terrorists?

The real reason I felt so much trepidation is because the jar looks like something you might get at a Texas roadside gift shop along with the inevitable jalapeno jelly and chili mix. You know the kind. It usually has some caricature of Billy Bob the cowhand with flames coming out of this mouth and droplets of sweat shaking out from his face. You know the one.

That picture there is one I crafted with my very poor shot of the jar. I didn’t realize until days after I threw away the empty jar, that I had taken a picture of the FRENCH! side of the label. Wait, isn’t this product Canadian? It can’t be French … they couldn’t handle this heat.

Au Poivron Jerk means Jerk Curry. This Peppermaster blends is a curry-based jerk grilling slather. That’s it, end of list. And what a good slather it is. As is par with the course, I tested this jerk slather on some grilled chicken breasts. It’s one of my favorite ways to try grilling sauces. It’s easy and usually comes out tasting pretty good.

The Peppermaster brushed well onto the chicken. It wasn’t too thick, so the sauce didn’t goop up on the grill grates, nor was it too thin and slide off the chicken to die a horrible death on the holy fires below. The smell was a wonderful blend of jerk spices with a hint, nay, an afterthought of curry. Goldilocks could say the consistency was juuuusst right.

The Heat: This stuff is hot. Just hot. I would rate it B+ on heat. For us chileheads, it’s just hot. It’s a good heat, a dry heat. It’s a heat that slowly fills your mouth up and gives a pleasant capsaicin buzz by the time that last bit of chicken is done.

My father, who did eagerly try the jerked chicken, had to take a few breathers during the meal and exclaim, “Oh man, this is hot!” Heh. He once taught me all I knew about spicy foods, and now the student has become the master.

I could find nothing wrong with this sauce other than the fact that there was so little. The tiny jar this sauce came in only was able to cover about 3 large chicken breasts. I think that was being pretty skimpy.

After doing an exhaustive search on Peppermaster, I couldn’t figure out if the Jerk Curry was available in any size other than micro. If they did bottle it in larger jars (and get a better label) I could see this one sellling big, and I could see myself buying a lot of it.

Heat Rating: 5 out of 10 chiles.
Overall: Two thumbs up.

Brooks Pepperfire Foods Inc.,
26 St-Jean Baptiste, E
Rigaud, Quebec
J0P 1P0
phone: 1-866-451-6770 (toll-free)

Some reviews take a long time because kind words are hard to find, others take time because of the sheer volume of sauces that need to be reviewed. This is one of those reviews. How does one person write a review on seven different hot sauces? Why would anyone subject themselves to eating 7 different hot sauces in one sitting? Ask not why, but why not?

Tasting each sauce that a manufacturer makes in one shot is a great way to determine where the strengths and weaknesses are in the brand and if the manufacturer stands a shot at becoming one of the greats.

4 out of 7 of Scotty B’s Hot Sauces have received either a Golden Chile or a Fiery Food Challenge award, so on paper Scotty B’s Hot Sauces pass with flying colors.

Devil’s Drool
Southern Style Habanero Vinegar Pepper Sauce
Ingredients: Vinegar, red habanero peppers, lemon juice, water, sea salt, garlic, corn starch, spices.
Smell: Vinegar & garlic
Tongue Taste: Can’t differentiate the flavor of the habaneros from the remaining ingredients, but the heat does hit the back of the throat quickly.
On the empanada: Does not overpower the flavor of the food, just adds good heat. Nose runner grade heat.
Overall: I love the heat in this one and finished the bottle in 2 days. It really does make your mouth drool.

Pepper Fusion
Chipotle & Habanero Hot Sauce
Ingredients: Tomatoes, yellow onion, water, chipotle peppers in adobo sauce, red habanero peppers, lemon juice, distilled vinegar, garlic, sea salt, spices, corn starch.
Smell: Yum – smells just like a can of chipotle peppers in adobo sauce.
Tongue Taste: Chipotle smokiness hits the tongue and the habanero heat assaults your taste buds.
On the empanada: A bit runny on food. Excellent balance of flavor and heat.
Overall: I could drink this one straight out of the bottle. In fact I did. The chipotles are the core flavor and are simply backed up by the habaneros for that extra kick. This sauce is an excellent cooking sauce or just your average table sauce.
**3rd place WINNER at the 10th Annual Zestfest Fiery Foods Challenge**

Dyin’ For Cayenne
Southern Style Sweet Cayenne Pepper Sauce
Ingredients: Water, tomatoes, sugar, cayenne peppers, sweet onion, garlic, salt, distilled vinegar, lemon juice, ground black pepper, corn starch and spices.
Smell: No pepper smell. I smell the tomatoes and onions, reminds me of a marinara sauce.
Tongue Taste: No heat. No pepper flavor either.
On an empanada: No empanadas were hurt in the tasting of this sauce.
Overall: After the stellar flavors from the first two sauces, this one was rather disappointing. Even the wife ventured to say that Cholula has more kick. All that being said, this sauce could be packaged in a larger bottle and sold as a marinade.

Just Damn Good
Habanero Hot Sauce
Ingredients: Tomatoes, red habanero peppers, yellow onion, water, lemon juice, distilled vinegar, garlic, sea salt, spices, corn starch.
Smell: All habs
Tongue Taste: Good habanero flavor, reminds me of a more blended version of Marie Sharp’s Belizean Heat – but with more onions.
On the empanada: Good honest habanero heat. Set off the hiccup alarm and even triggered the watering eyes fire alarm.
Overall: Just damn good. Nuff said.
**3rd place WINNER at the 10th Annual Zestfest Fiery Foods Challenge: XXX Hot Category**

Chipotle Pepper Sauce
Smok’in BBQ Flavor
Ingredients: Tomatoes, yellow onion, water, chipotle peppers in adobo sauce, lemon juice, distilled vinegar, garlic, sea salt, corn starch and spices.
Smell: Just like the Pepper Fusion, smells just like a can of chipotles in adobo sauce.
Tongue Taste: Tastes exactly like the adobo sauce from the can but without the metallic bitterness.
On an empanada: No heat but adds good chipotle flavor.
Overall: This sauce is the mild version of the Pepper Fusion – ingredient lists are identical minus the habaneros in the Fusion. On my empanadas I prefer the heat of the Pepper Fusion, but I love the strong smokiness in this sauce. It is a great marinade (use it like you would Chipotle Tabasco) or as a tableside steak sauce.
**2nd place WINNER at the 10th Annual Zestfest Fiery Foods Challenge: Chipotle Category**

Sweet Jalapeno Heat
Ingredients: Water, tomatoes, sugar, jalapeno peppers, yellow onion, garlic, salt, distilled vinegar, lemon juice, ground black pepper, corn starch and spices.
Smell: Almost smells like a sweet & sour sauce.
Tongue Taste: No heat but it does have a good balance of chile flavor and sugary sweetness.
On a empanada: Frankly, this sauce was just not good on a beef empanada – but it would be great on a more appropriate food like eggrolls or some sort of stir fry.
Overall: Sweet Jalapeno Heat hits the “Sweet Heat” nail on its head – no wonder it’s an award winner. I’m going to have to order up some egg rolls just so I can enjoy more of this one.
**1ST PLACE WINNER-GOLDEN CHILI AWARD at the 10th annual Zestfest Fiery Foods Challenge: Jalapeno Category**

Incredibly Rediculous
Ingredients: Vinegar, red habanero peppers, water, lemon juice, dried african birdseye peppers, dried piquin peppers, sea salt, garlic, cayenne powder, corn starch and spices.
Smell: Habaneros – but followed by the aroma of other unidentifiable peppers.
Tongue Taste: It may just be me, but I didn’t think this sauce was nearly as hot as the Just Damn Good Hot Sauce, but the heat does linger around a bit longer.
On an empanada: Adds a good bit of heat and an interesting flavor, but not a flavor of any particular pepper.
Overall: This sauce is very close to the flavor of the Just Damn Good, it’s nice to see a few new peppers thrown into the ingredient mix with this one.
** I can’t seem to find this sauce on Scotty B’s website, so it may no longer be available.

Conclusion:
Scotty B’s has an extensive line of hot sauces and like any line of products, some are much better then others. Just Damn Good, Devil’s Drool & Pepper Fusion are my favorite of the line – which is to be expected with their top tier heat levels. The others are just as good and any beginner chilehead is sure to enjoy the flavor varieties. With all the award winners and more recipes in the works, Scotty B’s sauces are sure to be a hit with all chileheads.

Scotty B’s Hot Sauce
It’s all about the flavor and the heat!
826 21st Street
Lewiston, ID 83501

Would you like to have your product reviewed on the HSB? More information can be found on our Product Submission Page.

Count Chocula in a bottle of Hot Sauce

In addition to the Fatalli powder, fatalliman from the Hot Pepper Forum also sent me a bottle of his own Coco Loco Chocolate Habanero Sauce – made from Chocolate Habs and not much else.

But that’s the beauty of this hot sauce, the simplicity allows the chocolate flavor to come through along with the essential habanero heat. The chocolately flavor is not one I’ve had in other sauces before – some try, but the Chocolate Hab is a pretty delicate ingredient. It’s slightly sweet, with a mellow chocolate overtone & the fiery heat of a handful of habaneros. Delicious!

If Fatalliman ever goes into mass production with this sauce, I think he should keep the label just the same – the handwritten label really stands out on the shelf.

I can’t wait to give this recipe a whirl – I think I’ll add in a few more chipotles then what’s called for in the iingredient list – maybe even a few habs for a bit more heat.

Chipotle meatloaf
January 18, 2006
Serves 4

Olive oil (for the pan)
2 pounds 80 percent lean ground beef
1/3 cup ketchup
1 egg
1 1/2 teaspoons each kosher salt and pepper
3/4 cup dry bread crumbs
1 tablespoon canned chipotle peppers en adobo, chopped
1 clove garlic, chopped
2 tablespoons shredded romano cheese
4 red onions

1. Set oven at 375 degrees. Lightly oil a 9-by-5-by-3-inch loaf pan.

2. In a bowl, combine the beef, ketchup, egg, salt, pepper, bread crumbs, chipotle peppers and their sauce, garlic, and cheese. Mix well.

3. Press the mixture into the loaf pan and cover with foil. Set the loaf on a rimmed baking sheet.

4. Peel the onions. Using a small knife, cut a cross into the pointed end of each onion, cutting only halfway down. Rub the onions with oil and sprinkle with salt. In a baking dish, set onions cut sides up. Gently splay the layers.

5. Roast the onions for 45 minutes. Bake the meatloaf for 45 minutes. Remove the foil and continue baking for 10 minutes or until browned.

6. Serve the meatloaf cut into slices with the onions.

Adapted from Parish Cafe

This note comes from an HSB reader – I think a trip to Chicago is in order as well!

If any of you guys have the time or are in Chicago, there is a restaurant called Heaven on Seven, owned by chef Jimmy Bannos. They have a “Wall of Pain” with a huge collection of hot sauces, and every table is filled with about 20 hot sauces. If you ask, they will bring out some hot sauces like Da Bomb’s the Answer, Pure Cap, Dave’s Insanity, etc. I recently had their hot “Hot as a Mutha” Pasta, which they usually make you sign a waiver to eat. It is really hot and I could only eat half a plate, but I am sure a chilehead with more tolerance than me can go through it all. Anyway, the dish is this buttery linguine with chunks of chicken breasts, bell peppers, and other ingredients?, and has an overwhelmingly smoky habanero flavor. Hot as a Mutha pasta is quite good, but tough to handle, and Heaven tops it all off with a raw Habanero and cajun seasoning sprinkled oe’er the spicy devil straps of pain.

Also, Heaven on Seven has a club called “Hot as a Mutha Monday” which is advertised as “A Monthly Dinner for the Spicy Food Enthusiast.” I would love to go to this event — you have to make reservations and sign a waiver — that includes a 5 course meal that gets progressively hotter. The meal is served with cajun martini “to fuel the fire” or southern limeade “to tame the flame.”

Their website is “www.heavenonseven.com” Jimmy Bannos has won an award for his “Hot as Mutha” hotsauce, I think in 2001 Fiery Foods Show.

Thanks!

Thanks for the tip Karen!

This may require an HSB roadtrip the next time around!

This food induces pain. Real pain, like someone just shoveled hot coals into your mouth, then doused your tongue with lighter fluid. The kind of pain that makes your head sweat, brings tears to your eyes, makes you gag and scream and beg for anyone, anything to make it stop.

At least until you’re ready to take another bite of pain all over again.

People – and I mean lots of people – actually pay good money to be tortured by the crazy-spicy food dished out during Hotter than Hell Nights at the East Coast Grill in Cambridge.

Make a reservation and check it out – if you dare – Monday through Wednesday, Jan. 23-25 starting at 5:30 p.m.

East Coast Grill chef/owner Chris Schlesinger, who changes the Hell Menu each time, serves his heat-seeking customers a variety of spicy foods

sure to set a 10-alarm blaze in anyone’s mouth. Everything is rated by one to six bombs – such as the jerk duck, a six-bomb appetizer, or the cajun-blackened wild salmon, a five-bomb entree. Then there’s the ‘‘real f@#!ing hot dog’’ at five bombs.

Even the drinks threaten to make you spit blood: ‘‘The Hurler from Hell,’’ a raw oyster and a shot of ‘‘Hell vodka’’ or the ‘‘Cold Fusion Martini from Hell, transported from MIT in a plutonium vacuum canister.’’

But nothing promises to induce more pain than the infamous Pasta from Hell, an off-the-charts bomb dish that’s so frightfully hot it’s not even on the menu – you have to ask for it. And when you do, your server will try to talk you out of ordering it (No, really.).

If you insist on going for it anyway, you will be asked to sign a consent form (Yes, seriously.). You are warned that it could cause sweats, hot flashes, headaches … and even ‘‘disruption of the ozone layer or loss of vital top soils.’’

Ask anyone who has sampled this pasta, and you will know that the staff is only half-kidding.

‘‘It truly is the extreme,’’ said customer Francis J. Veale, 53, of South Easton, who has been going to Hotter than Hell Night for 15 years but can still stomach only one or two tiny bites of the pasta. ‘‘It’s like jumping off a 100-foot cliff.’’

At one recent Hell Night, a large man ate a bunch of the pasta all at once, then within seconds threw it right back up onto his plate. He wouldn’t be the first to lose his lunch – er, dinner – over the devilish dish.

Waitress Tina Woolbert has seen plenty of the hot stuff come back up.

‘‘You just hope they make it to the bathroom,’’ said Woolbert, a self-confessed spice wimp who has worked there 20 years but hasn’t had the nerve to try the Pasta from Hell.

‘‘Only the real freaks do that dish,’’ she said. ‘‘It’s real crying, sweating, throwing-up material.’’

Yet not everyone begs for mercy.

Fred McDermott, 50, of Brockton is one of the few patrons who claims he can polish off a whole bowl of Pasta from Hell. It’s not an easy feat, he admits. He sweats, his face gets red, he might shed a tear or two.

‘‘It’s painful to the point where you don’t want to eat; you want to rest,’’ he said. ‘‘Then the pain dies down a little after 15 minutes and you can start again.’’

But Hell Nights are about more than hot food. East Coast creates a crazed atmosphere: The white light bulbs are replaced by red and black. The music of Iron Maiden and AC/DC is blaring. The wait staff is wearing leather and chains, and the chefs in the open kitchen put on gas masks.

And longtime customer George Greenidge, known as ‘‘Dr. Pepper,’’ dons a devil’s costume complete with mask and cape, and makes a big stink when someone orders the Pasta from Hell.

‘Out of control’

The customers are loud and raucous. The food makes some people slap-happy and others stunned. It isn’t unusual to find a guy writhing on the restaurant floor, trying to recover.

‘‘It’s crazy. It’s out of control,’’ Schlesinger said. ‘‘It’s kind of like Frankenstein; we’ve created a monster. There are junkies out there who are addicted to this stuff and need their fix.’’

Hell Night was born 15 years ago after a customer told Schlesinger that a dish marked ‘‘very spicy’’ on his menu was no big deal. Schlesinger, hoping to silence a few spice diehards, one day made the hottest dish he could possibly concoct: the Pasta from Hell. It’s prepared with the restaurant’s Real Inner Beauty Hot Sauce, made with Scotch bonnet chili peppers, acknowledged by many as the hottest around.

‘‘So we decided to do a night where all we served was hot food, and it sold out right away,’’ he said.

Now the restaurant holds Hotter than Hell Nights three times a year for three nights in a row, and the place is always packed. (Earlier this week there were still a few reservations left for this year’s event.)

Schlesinger’s own romance with spicy food started on a surfing trip to Barbados when he was 20.

‘‘At the time, I didn’t like spicy food at all. But we ran out of money and couldn’t eat hamburgers anymore,’’ he said. ‘‘So we got into the fish chili.’’

Schlesinger became quickly addicted. He recalls going to Thai restaurants and ordering dishes as knock-down spicy as they came.

‘‘I’d be so obnoxious that the chef would put in so much chili, he’d be looking out the door to see how I was doing,’’ he said.

Schlesinger travels to plenty of highly spiced countries, bringing home the taste of places like Thailand, Vietnam and Malaysia and adding them to his own entrees. His restaurant takes in shipments of as many as three dozen kinds of chili peppers – all with varying levels of heat – from a farmer in Pennsylvania. (Although the daily menu doesn’t approach the kind of hurtful heat you’ll find on Hell Night, most of the offerings – everything from blackened bluefish to barbecue pork – do have a kick to them.)

‘‘Some people say you make food spicy to cover up food that’s spoiling,’’ Schlesinger said. ‘‘But that’s not true. It’s not just heat. We’re using lime, herbs, ginger and chilies all together to bring out the flavor in food.’’

Even when people are in obvious discomfort, they come back for more.

‘‘His spicy food is extremely hot, but the most important thing is that it’s also flavorful,’’ Veale said. ‘‘Somehow it doesn’t kill your taste buds.’’

Besides, super-spicy food provides a rush. Some say the body reacts to chilies the same way it does to other thrills, with a boost of endorphins, like the high provided by a roller coaster.

McDermott explains the yearning for pain this way: ‘‘Once you’ve tried spicy food, you always want something hotter and hotter. It’s like when you drink good wine, you want a better and better wine.’’

Um, OK. I guess an amateur like me just couldn’t understand. Some mild salsas have a little too much bite for my blood, and although I love Buffalo wings as much as the next gal, you can usually find me scraping off the hot sauce onto a napkin and cutting what little spice is left with as much blue cheese dressing as I can find.

Still, I’m – ahem – a serious reporter here, and I felt the need to sample this Pasta from Hell for the good of the story. (I can tell you, however, that I was more scared of eating this dish than I was as a rookie reporter years ago, driving alone at midnight through sketchy South Florida neighborhoods ravaged by a string of race-related shootings. I’m not kidding; this seemed worse.)

So you can imagine my relief when Schlesinger apologized for not being able to offer me a bite. Turns out Pasta from Hell isn’t on the daily menu and his place wasn’t stocked with all the evil ingredients the night I was there.

So instead, the kitchen served up a sirloin skewer – that night’s special – a two-bomb dish. I took a little nibble off the end. Hey, no problem, I thought. But after diving in for a bigger bite, my tongue got hold of the kumquat relish, and the burn was intense.

‘Wimp menu’

For folks like me, the restaurant does offer a ‘‘wimp menu’’ on Hell Nights. But if you order something mild, expect to be taunted.

‘‘One of our guests last year ordered from the wimp menu,’’ said Paul Chapple of Milton. ‘‘They’re coming again this year and they’ve been warned that it can’t happen again.’’

If the heat gets to be too much, the menu does offer a secret ‘‘antidote’’ for $2. (Oh, what the hell, we’ll spoil the surprise: It’s a Creamsicle in a champagne glass.) But beware, the Creamsicle comes with a greater cost: humiliation.

‘‘Dr. Pepper’’ screams ‘‘antidote!’’ and then the whole restaurant chants ‘‘Wimp!’’ over and over.

When your mouth is on fire, spice experts say water won’t kill the pain. Some say ice cream, cornbread, milk, chocolate or sugar will help, although it’s unclear if anything truly works.

‘‘They say nothing really cures it. It takes five to seven minutes for (the active ingredient in chili peppers) to dissipate,’’ Schlesinger said.

Or sometimes longer.

Here’s one important tip: If you get the hot sauce on your hands, wash before touching your eyes or any other … well, sensitive spots. At one Hell Night, Veale’s brother ate some hot food and drank some beer and then went to relieve himself, only to return to the table in obvious agony.

‘‘He was absolutely pale,’’ Veale said. ‘‘If you get the food on your fingers, don’t touch any membranes. He basically just suffered through it.’’

Even when the fire in your mouth simmers down, the pain is not over.

‘‘Everyone who eats hot food knows when it burns going in, it burns going out,’’ Woolbert said. ‘‘The next day is agony.’’

Head chef Eric Gburski said some people take the next day off work because they know they will be in major discomfort. ‘‘It takes eight hours for the pepper to start its reign of terror on the digestive tract,’’ he said. ‘‘There’s some serious cramps and some hours in the john, where they’ll be cursing my name.’’

Schlesinger said there’s no evidence – despite the consent form – that the spices cause any long-lasting problems (although Hell Night was suspended one year during the 1990s while the restaurant was defending itself against a customer who claimed to suffer permanent damage from the food, something Schlesinger called a ‘‘nuisance suit’’ that was later dropped).

Lisa Fiore said she and her husband Steve, who have been attending Hotter than Hell Night for about 10 years, seem to have built up a tolerance. The food used to disable them the day after, but now they regularly make reservations for all three nights in a row.

While Lisa sticks with items in the five-bomb range, Steve always goes for the hottest dish (and on a Hell Night in 1997 after Steve signed the consent form, Lisa was asked to sign a separate form of her own – a mock-legal document in which Steve had proposed marriage).

Steve can usually handle the heat, but one time the food was so strong, it made him woozy. ‘‘He said it was like hallucinating, where he got tunnel vision and things got blurry,’’ Lisa said.

She said the couple, who lives in Belmont, goes as much for the hell-raising fun as they do for the food.

‘‘It’s a way to celebrate spicy food with other people who love it,’’ she said. ‘‘You walk in the door and you smell the chili peppers, and they make you cough and sneeze right away. It’s such a weird phenomenon to go to a place where everyone is psyched about pain.’’

If you go…
—Hotter than Hell Nights, Jan. 22-25, at the East Coast Grill, 1271 Cambridge St., Inman Square, Cambridge. For more information, see eastcoastgrill.net or call 617-491-6568.

Redneck Pepper huh? That’s exactly what I thought when I opened up this shaker not to long ago. Would this be just another clever marketing ploy or did these guys know their pepper?

Ingredients: Jalapeno, Red and Black Pepper & Spices.

Simple ingredients for a not so simple taste. This product reminds me of the Spepper boys who combined Salt and Pepper in one shaker. The Redneck Pepper boys have created something with a bit more kick that’s right up any chileheads alley. It’s not particularly hot – but that’s not the focus of this product, it’s about pepper flavor.

Each shake of Redneck Pepper yields an even distribution of red, green and black flakes so the flavor is consistent, no matter how many hits you take out of the bottle.

Now, how many different ways can you use Redneck Pepper? Well the Redneck Pepper website lists a bunch of ideas, but I’ve found a few of my own: Pizza (duh!), Salad, Popcorn, Fondue, Chili and as a rub for any meat. Now that’s a sign of a good product, when it’s applications are so varied. If I still lived in Oregon, I would take this along on camping trips instead of regular pepper or Lawry’s seasoning.

And, even if you don’t like Redneck Pepper (for whatever crazy reason), you’re sure to like the Redneck Pepper Girls. I’d tell you my favorite, but the wife would kill me – so which Redneck Pepper girl do you fancy?

Redneck Pepper
314 N. Marion Ave.
Lake City, FL 32055
Toll Free: 1-87REDNECKO

By LEE ARNOLD

I should have known from the picture on the bottle that it was a bad idea.

The photo and graphics on the label clearly indicated that pain was part of the game with this stuff, but I didn’t listen — as usual.

But, by not listening, I learned a valuable lesson. So I guess, it’s “all good” as they say. Whoever “they” are.

I was in a large grocery store in Huntington, in search of a Freschetta pizza and some hot sauce. Because a pizza just isn’t a pizza without some hot sauce. Especially a frozen pizza.

I made my way back to the freezer first.

Naturally, along the way I picked up some butter, some bread and some Twinkies. You never know when a nuclear disaster is going to strike, so Twinkies are always good to have on hand. That’s the excuse I give my personal trainer anyway. It is also impossible to walk through a grocery store and buy just what you came in to get.

I opted for the sauce-stuffed crust Freschetta pizza with pepperoni only. I can’t recommend it enough.

As I said, a pizza just isn’t a pizza without some hot sauce.

So I made my way to the condiments aisle.

Between me and the condiment aisle, were about a dozen attractive young ladies scattered among the other aisles. If I was still a gambling man, I would bet that they were all Marshall students, gearing up for the new semester.

As I walked by, they all looked up at me, and as usual, clutched their pepper spray key chains with a white-knuckle grip.

That’s the one gift I have, the ability to creep people out with little more than my mere presence in the room — especially the ladies. I’ve embraced it.

After making it from one end of the store to the other without getting maced, I found the hot sauce section.

For years, I have been a dedicated Texas Pete kinda guy.

Occasionally, I would buy the McIlhinney Tobasco sauce, but I would always make my way back to Texas Pete. I just think it has the best flavor. It might not have the heat that others do, but the flavor is better.

But I was feeling adventurous — not adventurous enough to talk to the mace-wielding ladies roaming the store though. I’ve had enough problems with my eyes lately that I didn’t need to get hot sauce shot into my retinas.

My spontaneity led me to explore the hot sauce shelf.

There was sauce from Emeril, there was sauce from the grocery store, there were no fewer than a dozen brand names on the shelf, and multiple varieties of each.

There was one that got my attention.

Actually, there were several.

They were little bottles, shaped like a pint of whiskey, with a brown, paper-bag-like label on it.

There were three different kinds of this sauce, and each one had a different face on it. Each face was of a man with his tongue stuck out and his eyes closed in apparent pain.

“This looks like the stuff for me,” I thought.

After all, I had survived several encounters with some hot sauce called “Rectal Rocket Fuel,” so I figured that I could deal with just about anything.

I started inspecting the bottles a bit closer.

On the upper right corner of the label was a thermometer graphic. Only, this company called it a “Pain Meter.”

Still undaunted, I found the pain meter that registered near the top of the chart.

“This’ll do it,” I thought to myself.

I carried it, and everything else to the front to check out, making sure not to make eye contact with any of the dozen or so young ladies walking around the store. I was almost home free; I didn’t want to get maced at this point in the game.

I scanned my stuff, slid my card, and within 15 minutes I was home, preheating my oven to 400 degrees.

It was a routine I have gone through a hundred times, and I have the stomach to prove it.

Only this time, things were different.

I put the pizza in the oven for about 15 minutes. Pulled it out, and poured the hot sauce all over it, as I usually do, and put it back in the oven for another 10 minutes. Freschettas are best when the pepperoni is slightly burnt. That’s my opinion anyway, and my opinion is what counts. I think we can all agree on that.

While the pizza was finishing, I made a pitcher of margaritas. Why not, right?

My margaritas are simple. I just throw some Limeaid, ice, and a splash of orange juice (the Gerber baby orange juice things are perfect) into the blender for the ones I make at home. They turn out wonderful.

About the time I finished the ritas, the pizza was done.

I cut it up, poured a drink, and sat down to watch Seinfeld on TV.

As I said, I should have known from the picture on the bottle and the little thing that said “Pain Meter” that this was stuff not to mess around with.

I didn’t realize that until my third bite of pizza.

By that point, I was too far into this stuff to turn back when I realized I had made a mistake.

After my third bite, the pain set in — a pain that the margarita could not cure.

This sauce was smoking hot.

I would have probably have been better off taking my chances on making eye contact or even talking with the pepper-spray-clutching ladies at the grocery store than I was with this stuff in my mouth.

I apparently used a bit too much on my pizza. We are only two weeks into the new year, and that statement will likely hold up as the understatement of the year.

There are several things that cannot be done on this planet, and one of those is keep a fat man from his pizza. No matter what the situation is.

I kept on eating despite the pain. Once my mouth went numb it was quite good.

The one mistake I made was that I kept sucking on my margaritas, strong margaritas, after nearly every bite. I probably should have switched to water, because periodically I had to deal with brain freeze on top of the burning tongue. It was disastrous.

Within the hour, I had eaten most of the pizza, finished off the pitcher of margaritas, was lying on the couch watching smiling Joel Osteen tell me where I was going wrong in life.

I’m not one to argue with a television preacher, but I did feel that he didn’t give me the complete picture.

He gave a lot of advice for finding joy, happiness, and all of that other stuff. But he never once said “Don’t buy the hot sauce with the photo of a screaming man with dreadlocks on it and pour it all over your pizza, especially if you are drinking stiff margaritas with it.”

That is actually advice, I could have used.

I think I’m gonna write him a letter.

Bottle Description: None.

Ingredients: Red peppers, chile pepper blend, sugar, water, vinegar, pectin, citric acid, butter

Container: Nice little quaint…if you will, jam jar. There are little peppers around the borders of the label and makes this look like a salsa jar.

Appearance: Purple jam. You know what it looks like. BUT there are bits of peppers in the jam that look like the pepper flakes you put on your pizza.

Smell: SHABAZAM! Heavy pepper aroma and a hint of sweetness to compliment the pepper smell. I’ve written Red Lion to see if they can make this into a car freshener or deodorant. Your damn right it’s that good.

Consistency: Thicky thicky thick. It’s jam! Break out a butter knife.

Taste: *smacks lips* There are 3 layers of taste when sit comes to the jam. First the sweet. Good. Second you get prolonged taste of tartness. Thirdly there’s a hint of pepper flavor but it’s something you have to think about in order to taste it. Then it ends with a nice warm tongue blanket of heat. Notice: yes it’s a jam but there is NO fruit flavor at all. Check the ingredients, and come back here. See? No fruit.

Heat: 6/10 (Not very hot with food.)

Field Test: PB&J sandwiches, the alpha and omega of jam use. Here’s where the tartness of the jam comes through and where the sweetness takes a back seat. Also you get more of a pepper taste. Why? Hell if I know but it’s pretty good. I haven’t tried it but I hear that it’s not so good with cheesecake, which I guess is do to the tartness of the jam. I’m sure reader Dan will comment on its use on cheesecake.

Final Word: It’s pretty good. I know refer to it as djamn. Which is a hybrid of damn+jam= Djamn. Damn jam cause it’s got a nice bite to it. Its application to food can vary because this is not the jam you’re used to. I also feel that it is a bit of a novelty food for those that don’t instantly love the taste. I doubt it would occupy a permanent place in anyone’s fridge but its spicy jam! It’s fun! I wish there was some fruit in this jam to make it a bit sweeter so it can go together with food better. I think it would be great to have strawberry or blueberry jam that can kick your ass.

Overall: 7.4/10 It’s good but it’s not practical on a lot of food. You’re more likely going to go with a regular jam.

Red Lion Spicy Foods Company
420 W. Broadway Red Lion, PA 17356
Phone – 717-244-0227 or 610-373-8378
Fax – 717-244-7348