All are free to join us at The Table of Virtue, and your chance to ascend to the rank of Supreme DEFCON Acolyte of The Inner Circle. The rules are quite simple, you must consume 10 cute and cuddly, harmless little wings, coated in a “special” DEFCON Deathmatch sauce, in 4 minutes. Nothing to it. But beware, as many have sat at The Table, but few have walked away with the bragging rights, and the special “DEFCON Deathmatch” t-shirt, which CANNOT be purchased, it must be earned. We have had about a dozen or so of these matches, and they have become somewhat of a cult following. The very first title of “Supreme DEFCON Acolyte of The Inner Circle” was granted to a fellow gentleman who drove all the way from Indiana to New Jersey to compete. Since then, only a select few have rivaled this feat. It is NOT for the faint of heart, and, oh yeah, asthmatics and those with any respiratory problems need not apply for participation, as they are banned from the contest altogether.Past events have been filled with many memorable moments, from people nearly passing out, to evacuations from the orifice of your choice, all the time being rooted on by countless fans, rivaling that of the Coliseum in Rome. Honor is at stake, for those who compete are given Honor by the DEFCON Collective, but also castigation by the newly-knighted Supreme DEFCON Acolyte, as he has gained the spoils of battle, and will rub it in your face endlessly if you do not succeed in besting him in battle.

Now, the event will be taking place Saturday evening, after the show at an eatery next to Jungle Jim’s. If you are interested in either competing or just to watch the carnage, just come to the DEFCON booth and inquire within. Contestants will be asked to sign up, so I can get a headcount.

So The DEFCON Creator welcomes you to The Table of Virtue, and wishes to see your ascension into the Hallowed Halls of the Supreme Acolytes.

Here are the simple rules:

1. Gloves MUST be worn for the duration of the event.

2. Contestants MUST sign Defcon Release Form.

3. Asthmatics and those with respiratory issues are NOT to compete!

4. 10 wings will be served and must be consumed within 4 minutes.

5. After the 5 minutes, contestants will be relieved of any refreshments.

6. Contestants will then place hands, palms down on the table for 5 minutes.

7. Lifting a hand or hands off the table will result in immediate disqualification.

8. If more than one contestant survives the duration, the contestant that consumed all the wings first wins.

9. ANY amount of vomiting will cause immediate disqualification, and the individual is responsible for cleaning it up.

Well, we here at Defcon HQ are sorry to say we won’t be attending the Classic Car/Motorcycle at the train station in Berkeley Heights, NJ on 7/8. This last minute change is due to the fact that it seems the township has very bizarre and quite selective regulations, and therefore there may not even be any vendors at all. Oh well, our schedule is still packed, and here’s a list of what is going on with us. As you can see, we don’t get very much sleep.

Well, our trip to Peppers was a fun one. It was nice to meet a bunch of you that stopped on by to say hello. We are looking forward to doing again, probably during football season, perhaps next time, it will be a 2-day dual venue DEFCON Weekend of painful capsaicin-induced debauchery, which will include one of our infamous “Deathmatches”. Stay tuned for more details. here are a couple shots of the weekend: (more…)

Well, that was a friggin blast! With the success we had with the event, I will consider Toronto “Assimilated”. I want to thank everyone who turned out for this, as it definitely seemed everyone had a great time. We have already been invited back…Perhaps this will become an annual event, one never knows. Anyway, here are a few pics we took, as well as the Deathmatch video. In a few of the pics, there were a couple things we had to take care of, VERY important things, like finally visiting the Hockey Hall of Fame. I also witnessed some rather “interesting” vehicles. After everything was said and done, and we were back in the States, where else are you going to grab a bite to eat, but the original Dinosaur BBQ in Syracuse, YUMMY!!!

Well, we were about 2 hours away from home, when a stupid piece of Mother Nature wrapped in a deer suit decided to examine the front of the Defcon Truck, at 70 mph. No one was hurt, minor damage from the speed we nailed the 4-legged “Slambi” at. If anyone wants some fresh venison, it’s in the middle divider between Pocono Summit and Tobyhanna on Route 380.

Anyway, looking forward to going back, as we met a ton of great people. Congratulations to Anthony for taking the first Canadian Deathmatch, and for all those who sat at The Table of Honor.

Creator & Createss

DEFCON DAY ALERT!!!

Memorial Day Weekend, Saturday May 26th, Toronto, Canada!!!

DEFCON storms across the border and invades Toronto!!!

Join the DEFCON Crew for a great day of wings, beer, raffles and a whole lot more! People are flying in from all over, so it’s bound to be one of the biggest hits in Defcon history!

Also, there will be a very limited ZERO release to be unveiled only at the venue!

We will be having this historic event at this address:

The Bishop and the Belcher
175 Bloor Street East, Toronto, Ontario, M4W 3R8
416-591-2352

Please check out our website for further events we will be doing throughout the summer and into the fall. Just go to www.defconsauces.com and click on “Upcoming Events”.

Also, if you have a store that you would like to see our products in, or a place that you’d like to see the Defcon Crew do a Defcon Day in, have them contact us. Be advised we are booked through September, and are confined to the east coast due to a regular 9-5 job.

We are at Defcon HQ look forward to meeting many of you this summer, and thanks once again for your interest in our products.

John & Maggie

ZERO HOUR IS UPON US!!!

The Defcon ZERO Batch #4′s are NOW AVAILABLE!!!

OK, the harvesting is complete! We have 90 (91 were created) of these beauties available. Please click on the link below, and fill out ALL requested information as requested. If any of the billing/shipping information is not correct, your Vial of Doom will go to the next person in line, so proofread everything before you send it. This is purely a first come, first serve basis, to make things fair. Also, this time around we are only accepting credit cards and Paypal (no e-checks) as methods of payment. Some of the checks for the last release took over a month to clear, and some didn’t clear at all. As you probably know it’s just myself and my wife running the show here, and I want to make it somewhat easy on ourselves on the accounting side with the inevitable onslaught on e-mails that are now going to start rolling in.

Each person will be allowed to purchase ONE of these. With the amount of people currently on the ZERO list, I want as many people as possible to be able to adorn their Shelves of Doom with the latest creation we’re offering. In the event there are any remaining, they will be put on the website for purchase at a later date. I wouldn’t suggest relying on there being any left. Also, when ordering, your order will be ONLY for a ZERO Batch #4, and for no other products.

A LOT more work went into this release than previous ones (not to mention a lot of capsaicin-induced pain, and about 200+ pounds of dried Habaneros), and you will notice the actual ZERO is a little different than previous releases, due to an extra procedural step we are now utilizing. The container is quite unique, and completely different from any of its predecessors. There is some minor assembly needed for this, which makes it that much more interesting, and instructions will be included. There will also be the standard Certificate of Authenticity included as well.

The price of this release is $70 plus shipping/handling charges. All will be sent out via USPS Priority Mail, and international orders will all be sent out USPS EMS Global Express, so as to cut down on time in transit and tracking availability. These gems are more intricate and fragile than the previous releases, so please handle with care.

We wish you luck in your acquisitional endeavor to gain one of these little gems. You will certainly be quite pleased with our latest Creation of the Ages. So join the ranks of the many Defcon Acolytes, you’ll be glad you did.

We here at Defcon HQ want thank you once again for your continued support of us and our products, and for making our growing company a true pleasure to build. Be sure to check out “Upcoming Events” on the website to find out where we will be turning up for our infamous Defcon Days and other appearances. Our schedule of events is growing by leaps and bounds, which is allowing us to greatly expand our Perimeter of Assimilation.

John (Defcon Creator) & Maggie (Defcon Createss)

To Order: CLICK HERE

DEFCON HQ has been called to arms once again! This time the venue is:

Another nice Irish pub will be the backdrop on this go around with the DEFCON Crew. FREE DEFCON wings will once again be available for mass consumption. We will be having our now infamous Wing Eating Competitions as well, including our main event, “The Deathmatch”. Sit at the table if you dare! If not, they are definitely fun to watch, bring a camera! We may be able to conscript the help of the NJ Devils Mascot once again to referee the competitions!

We will be raffling off a bunch of stuff as well, including t-shirts and sauce packs. We haven’t done one of these in a couple of months as things have been a bit hectic (a very good problem), but it’s time once again!

We will also have our sauces, actionwear, and our NEW product, The Habby Horse (Habanero Horseradish) available for purchase. If you like horseradish, you’re gonna LOVE this stuff!

If you’ve been to these events in the past, you know what to expect. If you haven’t, well, what are you waiting for?

So come on down, bring your friends, and let’s fill up yet another establishment! Good times will be had by all, as usual. If you want to see what goes on at the events, click on appearances at the top of the website homepage at www.defconsauces.com.

Become an Acolyte of the Defcon Consortium, you will see that resistance is indeed futile!

————————————————————————-

Other dates on the good ‘ol event calendar:

Memorial Day Weekend, Saturday May 26th
DEFCON storms across the border and invades Toronto!!!

Join the DEFCON Crew for a great day of wings, beer, raffles and a whole lot more! People are flying in from all over, so it’s bound to be one of the biggest hits in Defcon history!

Also, there will be a very limited “special” release to be unveiled only at the venue!

We wil be having this historic event at this address:

The Bishop and the Belcher, 175 Bloor Street East, Toronto, Ontario, M4W 3|R8, 416-591-2352

——————————————————

Saturday, July 21

DEFCON crosses the Mason-Dixon Line and heads south to Mr. D’s, Marco’s Sauces Headquarters located at:

120 EAST OAK RIDGE DRIVE, HAGERSTOWN, MD, 21740, checkout their website at, www.marcosauces.com

——————————————————

Saturday-Sunday, August 4-5
The DEFCON Crew enters Jungle Jim’s in Fairfield, Ohio under cover of darkness.

——————————————————

Saturday, August 18
We take our show on the road again to the riverside of Brooklyn to Duff’s once again. It was a blast last year, and is now an official annual event. Like last year, NO SLEEP TILL BROOKLYN!

——————————————————

Saturday, September 8th
Hillsborough Annual “No Fire, Just Smoke” BBQ Cookoff
This will be our 3rd year doing this event. This year they’ve been sanctioned By the Kansas City BBQ Association. Come on down, and consume DEFCON Wings prepared by The Creator himself, and his many turkey fryers, a true symphony of wing cooking!

There will be many more dates added to this list, including various demos for supermarkets and hot sauce shops, so stay tuned as we continue our global quest for wing domination!

Greetings from DEFCON HQ,

I try to limit the e-mails I send to everyone so as not to become spam, but due to the overwhelming number of e-mails we have been receiving regarding the next ZERO release, The Batch #4, I felt it necessary to calm some of the fears people are having regarding acquiring one.

This release will be just like the others. If you haven’t ever been in on this, here’s how it goes. About a week before the release is made, you will receive an e-mail stating the number of ZERO’s available, final cost and approximate release date. We don’t know exactly how many of these little gems we’re going to have yet, as the harvesting of Hellspawn Essences isn’t complete yet.

When you receive the following e-mail around the end of April, the RELEASE e-mail, the frenzy will commence. To make things fair, it is strictly on a first come, first serve basis. This time it will be a little different from the last couple of releases, as we will have a link on the e-mail to a form that must be filled out completely and sent back. I am guessing we will probably have somewhere around 70 of the ZERO Batch #4′s available, maybe a couple more, maybe a couple less.

Now, to put it in perspective, we now have close to 850 people on the ZERO list (the size has more than doubled since the release of the ZERO Batch #3). Upon the release, time is of the essence! Each person will be allowed to purchase ONE of these upon release. Also, all information requested on the ZERO form must be filled out correctly, or the next person in line will receive your vessel. It may seem a bit strict, but I’m kind of trying to make it a little easier on myself, as the landslide of e-mails that pour in at the release time (ZERO hour) is mind boggling, and as you well know, it’s just myself and The Createss running the whole show here.

About a week after the release, they will be sent out Priority Mail (EMS Global Priority to international deliveries) to everyone who got one, and you will receive a tracking number. This release, as usual, will be very different from the last. These are definitely cool, and actually require minor assembly. Instructions will be provided. For those of you that have had the opportunity to taste the Batch #4′s at various events we’ve been doing as of late, this stuff is considerably hotter than the Batch #3, due to an extra processing step we kind of stumbled on.

So calm your anxieties, it’ll all be OK. In case of emergency, call Nurse Ratchet. LOL!

We here at DEFCON HQ wish you luck in your endeavor to drastically enhance your personal Shelf of Doom with this newest addition to the DEFCON Family of Exquisitely Painful Elixirs. We look forward to hearing from you on ZERO Hour.

Creator out……………………

Our newest product, THE HABBY HORSE (Habanero Horseradish), is now available to the general public. We are very proud of our latest release. It took over a year of development to perfect this product. It is quite unique being that it is shelf stable UNREFRIGERATED, and at the same time is ALL-NATURAL! Try to find something like this on a shelf, I dare you!

Anyway, this product was The Hit at the Fiery Foods show in Albuquerque, New Mexico this past March 2-4, and people were lining up just to get kicked by the horse, it was wonderful.

With nearly an endless list of uses, some of the more common were cocktail sauce, on prime rib, straight up on oysters or clams, and perhaps if it “accidentally” wound up in a Bloody Mary”. It comes in a HUGE 8 ounce jar, enough for even the most masochistic individual. It’s a steal at $7.00. Get it now before we reduce the size of these monsters!

Well, here we are again. Another memorable trip at the Fiery Foods show. Nick had asked if I’d be willing to do another write-up (you can read the 2006 recap here) on the show, and with the, shall we say interesting things that happened, I was more than happy to oblige.

It’s 4:45am on Thursday, and I’m getting my tired butt out of bed for the impending 6:15am flight. We arrive at the airport, uneventfully, and I board the 767. We arrive in Houston, again uneventfully, but this is to change, and set the tone for the next 5 days. We hop on board one of the lovely sardine-can Continental Jet Express planes for the last leg of our pilgrimage to Albuquerque. These aircraft suck, as they were built for emaciated midgets. I would’ve chosen a prop job over this toothpick fuselage. However, all was not lost, as it was a very turbulent ride, just the way I like it. Watching the frightened little bipeds clutching their seats in abject fear, as myself and The Createss have our hands raised, yelling out “WOOHOO!” as if it were an overpriced roller coaster ride. Great stuff! We are about 45 minutes outside Albuquerque, when the attendant, whose features reminded me of a flying monkey from the Wizard of Oz gets on the horn and asks if anyone is a medical doctor. No one answers. Shortly thereafter the pilot sounds over the PA system that we have to make an emergency landing due to a medical problem. Hmmm, never been involved in one of these, LET’S DO IT! Well, needless to say, I have never landed in any aircraft as quickly as we did. It put landing in Logan airport in Boston look like a piece of cake. After hitting terminal velocity, and having my stomach in my throat as we descended, the pilot states we have to taxi to our parking spot. Yeah, ok, it was like the Daytona 500, awesome stuff. We then approach a virtual gauntlet of emergency vehicles, complete with a paramedic waving the directional batons. I should have videotaped it, but I’ll get to why that wouldn’t have mattered a little later. Well, the elderly woman was able to walk off the plane, and I thanked her for shortening our flight time, what a woman!

Ok, we’re in Albuquerque. We gather our luggage, hopped aboard the shuttle, and made our way to the Sandia Resort & Casino. We unpacked upstairs, and brought down various items we would need for the booth in a gym bag. We entered our booth and gazed upon our annual Mt. Everest that lay in wait for us. We began setting things up, and I went to get the video and still cameras out of the gym bag to snap a few shots. The bag was gone! We looked everywhere, and got a hold of the Casino Security. They fanned out, and looked for the person(s) that had stolen about $1500 worth of electronic equipment. No luck. Now, here’s the criminal mind at work; They valet parked their car. With the multitude of cameras in the casino, they got all 4 people involved on camera, as well as the license plates and the car. I also found out that Casino Security is not much more than a bunch of mall cops. They had to call in the real Sandia Police, who responded promptly and took our statement and incident report. They told me they knew where the guy lived from his license plates. Great, I thought. Well, 5 days later I heard nothing. Let’s just say the woeful ineptitude of security personnel was blindingly obvious. They were more worried about people bringing beer to their booths during setup than checking for vendor badges and letting criminals wander around stealing stuff. Atlantic City makes the Sandia Casino Security look like a bunch of brainless morons endlessly searching for their own foreheads. But more of that later, let’s get back to the show.

We got back to setting up, and realized that our backdrop and other important items for the booth were also in the gym bag, time to improvise. Let’s just say at this point, The Creator was NOT a happy camper (the understatement of the year). I began hooking up the wiring to the booth, attempting to stem the seething anger I was feeling. We got most of the booth set up that evening, but I had to get out of there, and put off the rest of the setup until the next day, as I was going to start breaking stuff. We met up with Devil Duck (Lynn) and his wife, Kim. What awesome people, and we were happy we got to meet them, as they became our link to the outside world of the Sandia Resort and Unsecured Casino. We proceeded to the bar, for a well-deserved beer, and started meeting up with other individuals that had made the pilgrimage here. MSK reared his head, unsigned at this point, and we talked for a bit. We took over the end of the bar, and awaited our refreshments. Little did I know, the bar staff were taught their trade from the Escargot School of Speed. We eventually got beers, and began to hang out. Lynn, Paul (from Bodine’s) and myself were discussing various business stuff, and Aaron and DK showed up with Dan (from Badgerland). It didn’t take long for Dan to be the first Guinea Pig for the ZERO batch #4, and I was more than happy to oblige his need. Oh, the Tears of Pain were lovely. Brian Luna jumped the gate to join us, and also joined Dan in the ZERO Happy Dance.

Continue Reading (more…)