Announcing the FIRST Open Fields Amateur Hot Sauce Contest, benefiting the StepUp Charities.

In conjunction with the annual “Woodstock for Chileheads”, a hot sauce contest is being added to the events planned for Open Fields. The cost is only $10 per person and that one fee allows you to enter as many sauces as you’d like (within reason, please). Listed categories are Best ‘Hot’ Sauce, Best ‘Sweet Hot’, Best ‘Mild’ Sauce, Best ‘Fresh from the Field’, Open Category (anything goes, any heat level) and Best Salsa. Prizes are yet to be determined but trophies will be awarded for 1st, 2nd, & 3rd in each category. Judging will be done on site & winners announced that evening (September 29th).

The Best Fresh from the Field category is unique among any other hot sauce contest as these will be sauces that are made and prepared on site with chiles picked fresh from the ones available on site. You are allowed to bring your own extra ingredients (onions, garlic, etc) to the contest, but the sauce must be based on the chiles you find in the fields. Think “Iron Chef” minus the high tech kitchen and utensils and adding a rustic setting, weather, lots of fellow chileheads, and a good cause.

The contest is the brainchild of “Scotch Bonnet Steve” from the MSN Rogues group. If you plan on entering, please send him a note (sfoster4 at
gmail.com) so that he can add your name to the poster. He is one of the most knowledgeable growers in the country and is taking part in some real cutting edge research involving chile peppers. The contest is limited to ameteur hot sauce makers at this time, with the hopes that the “pros” who attend assist with the judging.

Contest entries should be mailed to Jim Campbell, 81 Martin Pl, Franklin IN 46131. The check for the entry fee needs be made out to: The Stair Climb Fund.

There remains little doubt that chiles are a world wide craze. For proof, one need look no further than the center of Copenhagen Denmark of all places, where you’ll find one of Europes’ first shops dedicated exclusively to all things chile… or chili. Just a block from the University, nestled in amongst the many historic buildings along a street than can only be described as ‘eclectic’, sits the “Chilihouse”.

A view of the shop, looking back up the street. There is a strange and interesting mix of shops on the street including boutique dress shops, an S & M store, the “Jailhouse Bar”, bookstores, and business offices. Quite a bit of pedestrian traffic though it isn’t quite on the main walkway. There is a fair amount of walk in traffic as well as folks looking specifically for the shop. It is located about as near to the very center of Copenhagen as one can get.

The shop is owned, managed, and staffed by Mr. Henning Petersen, a gentle giant who has fast gained a reputation as one of his country’s leading experts on all things ‘hot’. As his shop consists of equal amounts of products from Mild to Wild® and CaJohns Fiery Foods® among others, his eye for quality is little questioned

An interior shot of part of the shop. Featured in this section is clothing, ceramics, ball caps, napkins, fajita kits (complete with cast iron skillet), and dip mixes ALL with chile pepper designs. He has an excellent range of products, not just limited to sauces & salsas.

This designer boutique features an assortment of sauces, salsas, chutneys, chili vinegars, clothing, pottery and dip mixes as well as art and BBQ sauces. CaJohns’ Select Purees are among the better sellers and are featured prominently.

Translation anyone? Needless to say, there is quite a bit of signage in the shop explaining to folks just what all the stuff is. Education is a big part of Hennings’ work. Here is a sign explaining all about CaJohns’ Select Purees.

The shop has been open now for just over two weeks and celebrated its’ Grand Opening this past Friday (May 11) to quite a bit of fanfare. My wife and I considered ourselves fortunate indeed to be able to take part in this event. The event was actually quite formal, invitation only with wine, beer and soda served to the almost 125 people who attended.

A crowd shot during the Grand Opening. This was a bit early into the event while it was still possible to move about the shop. For a long while, it was absolutely impossible to move about the place as it was packed with people. Henning estimated there were about 125 people attended during the 4 hours of the opening party. Given that the shop might be 500 square feet total, that was impressive in it’s own right!

The opening of the shop had received quite a bit of press, with articles appearing in the two largest newspapers and a magazine. Most of the articles centered around this ‘quite fierce’ sauce called “Stupid Hot” which elicited intense curiosity from all around. If you’re up on your Danish, you can read the articles here and here. Additionally, another appears here Mr Petersen tried to warn these folks that they really had no idea what ‘hot’ was all about but there just was no teacher like experience

What I found to be one of the nicest touches about the Grand Opening was that it featured free wine, beer, & sodas in addition to all the chile pepper sampling. Abby, due to her extensive bar tending background, was tapped to handle those chores & she did so with relish… and a few Tuborgs for herself

The Danes are a remarkable people, taking great pride in their ‘averageness’. Orderly and conservative, we were assured that there was no part of the city we could wander into and have any fear at all.

Indeed, it seemed that every time we stopped to check the map, we would have at least one or two people stop to ask if they could be of any help. Probably 90% of the country speaks English and communications were not an issue- except when I’d try to say: jeg taler ikke Dansk, undskyld (I don’t speak Danish, sorry). Most folks prior to our trip told me of the supposed legal pot cafes and red light districts but these are most assuredly NOT a part of the Danish culture. Many people confuse the Danish with the much more liberal Dutch, located a few hundred miles to the southwest (Denmark vs Holland).

The proprietor of the Chilihouse, Mr Henning Petersen. The Danish King of Chilies.
So, Henning- a chile pepper shop in Copenhagen? Kinda unique huh, given the extreme level of Danish food?
I’ve had a long time love of chili peppers, found myself between jobs and thought it was a great time to give it a try. Danish food is changing a bit just like the rest of the worlds’. Probably slower than most but many Danes are very curious about other foods and are especially intrigued with these ‘fierce’ things called chilies

Obstacles in opening the shop?
Several. Copenhagen is *extraordinarily* expensive and finding a shop for lease in the right spot doesn’t come along very often. That this shop, in such an ideal location, was available was extremely fortunate. Lead times for ordering from suppliers is also quite lengthy. As I have little track record, most of what I need for sales is guessed at for the moment. Converting all the labels into their Danish equivalents is also time consuming.

Finding much local interest?
Yes, quite a bit. There has been quite a bit of media coverage since this is such a unique thing. It is certainly Denmark’s’ first chili pepper shop and I believe it to be the first of it’s kind in Europe. Articles have appeared in the two largest newspapers and a rather amusing one featured one of the reporters giving the ‘Stupid Hot’ a try. I did everything I could to warn him he did not know what he was about to do. The picture is of him sitting on the floor speechless after a minute or two

Where’d you learn about chiles?
I’ve been to the US many times as well as Thailand and other places. I’ve even attended the Fiery Foods Show in Albuquerque and was amazed at all the different sauces. I’ve used chilies for a long time in cooking for myself and have taught some cooking classes. [Authors' note- Henning is also the published author of a Danish Chile pepper Cookbook- "Jeg Elsker Chili" (I love chile) and a follow up one on Cajun.]

Having fun yet?
Yes. People will come into the shop and tell me they want something strong and go straight for the ‘Stupid Hot’. I try to tell them that they have no idea what they’re getting into, but there is just no explaining it. I offer samples to them but they just will try it at home they say. They just have *no* clue what’s about to happen and it is fun imagining their surprise. I try my best to converse with them to find their needs and steer them to something more suitable like CaJohns’ Select Purees but many times it is without success. They will learn pretty quick I suspect

During one of the *very rare* moments of sunshine, I snapped this quick pic of a street scene along one of the many canals of Copenhagen. The sun shone the day we got there and the day we left and inbtween was a week of clouds, rain, wind, cold, damp, and dreary- typical early Spring I’m told.
Drop it to about 34 F and that describes their lengthy winter as well. No wonder these folks were such renowned explorers!

All in all we had a fantastic time in Denmark. Not germane to this review are all of the many pics I took of the castles, cathedrals and sites to be seen while wandering the city. Not known as a specific ‘hot’ tourist destination, Copenhagen is nonetheless *well* worth a trip! Expensive, amazingly so, but well worth putting on any itinerary.

Should you find yourself in the neighborhood, stop in and pay a visit to the Chilihouse!

Chilihouse
Studiestraede 40
1455 Copenhagen K
Denmark
Phone 4085 8020

My first review! Be gentle with me

This last weekend featured the 11th Annual Indiana Hotluck & Fiery Foods Expo in beautiful, historic Madison Indiana. Co-sponsored by the Thomas Family Winery and Mild to Wild Pepper & Herb®, it’s become a bit of a ‘cult classic’ among chileheads. Madison is a quaint old river town that features about a zillion bed & breakfasts as well as several nice hotels. The winery sits in an 1850’s carriage house just a two block walk from the banks of the Ohio river.

The event is divided up into two parts, the first of these being the ‘hotluck’ held on Friday night. The hotluck is a form of potluck dinner featuring many varied and creative uses of all things chile. The dishes can run from the mild to the extremely hot. The “admission fee” is to bring a covered dish, recipes to share, and/or a desire to chat chile with folks from all walks of life. It’s not unusual to find people there who have driven over a couple of hundred miles to attend! The dishes are laid out and everyone is free to sample whatever they’d like. Many folks go to great length and prepare elaborate dishes that would compete in any ‘top chef’ competition. Others keep it simple (but no less mouth
watering) and do desserts and appetizers. The hotluck typically starts around 7 in the evening and has lasted as late as 2 in the morning At least a couple of the commercial vendors attend and it is a chance to ’shoot the breeze’ with them under very relaxed and informal settings.

The second part of the event is the Fiery Foods Expo and runs the better portion of Saturday. We ‘evil corporate types’, and several newbie ‘wannabes’ set up and sell our wares. As you can note in the photos, this is a rather unique sales area The quarters are tight, the atmosphere casual in the extreme, and the bar no more than 25 feet away. The free food continues on Saturday, consisting of the leftovers from the previous night as well as some simply awesome dead burnt animal parts, slow cooked by the proprietor of the winery, Mr Steve Thomas. This year featured beef brisket, slow cooked with wood smoke over a 13 hour period. Live music is also to be had as the vending part of the show winds down. At least a couple of the vendors have used this event as a ‘test market’ for future releases of some collectibles.

All in all, if you find yourself out in this neck of the woods, it is well worth your time to stop in and take a visit!

Famous Vendor
One of the more famous vendors setting up to sell his wares! Arriving in a whirlwind on Saturday morning, bringing Anthony of Urban Chef fame with him, CaJohn anchored the line for the corporate types. This event is an ideal setting for the chance to chat at length in a relaxed setting with him.
There aren’t mobs of people pushing you on to the next booth and there is ample time before and after the sales event to ‘chew the fat’ and get to know “da’ man”.

Swelling Up!
The backroom starts to fill up as the crowds make their way up and down the line, sampling the many, many foods. This years’ event featured well over 30 different dishes including a frozen peanut butter cake with pecans and cayenne to hoppin’ John.

INCaneFane & soon to be Mrs., Caveat & CaJohn
Watery eyes were not just from the chiles! A member of the HSB popped the question in a rather unusual, but befitting manner with the help of CaJohn. InCaneFan hid the ring in with a bottle of Caveat Emptor to be discovered by his betrothed when he requested she clean a smudge off the bottle. We’re still debating as to whom the term ‘caveat emptor’ applies to here

Pasta Al Dente
Another dish that disappeared fast was my own “Pasta al Dente in Cheddar Roux with Chipotle Glaze”. It is a dish I’ve done many times, long before being a member of the blog. Though a very versatile chile, chipotle just begs to be combined with cheddar cheese and this dish highlights that.
It’s also a fancy name for ‘Mac & cheese with chipotle’ I missed the controversy over the Mac & Cheese but will stand with whomever thinks it’s a great combination

CaJun Crab Dip
By popular acclamation, one of the better dishes of the night was the “Cajun Crab Dip” seen here. It was brought by one of the ‘new folks’ (Jennifer Lake) selling garden fresh, home made fruit salsa.

1 package crab meat
1 16 oz sour cream (or light sour cream)
1 8 oz cream cheese, softened (or light cream cheese)
1 cup Miracle Whip
1 package veggie dry soup mix
1/4 cup lemon juice (or lime)
1/2 tsp Cayenne (or hotter)
1/2 tsp black pepper
1/2 tsp sea salt (or regular)
2 cups shredded cheeese (cheddar or mozzarella)
1/4 cup parmesan cheese
1/2 tsp chili powder

Mix all except the cheddar cheese (sprinkled on top when done) and cook at 350 F for 30 minutes.

Posole
‘nough said! This dish featured Tecate beer as well as cumin, garlic, hominy, and green chile. It didn’t make it to the second day

Spicy Veggies
For those folks that eschew critter meat, there was also a large selection of veggies and vegetarian dishes for those who prefer to graze for their food. Here is an example. Susan Byers (of Jane Butels’ book “Real Women Eat Chiles” fame) didn’t have time to bring her assortment of vegetarian sushi rolls, so this stood in its’ place.

Jim’s Infamous Bread
Long, long famous on the old chileheads email list, this innocent looking bread was probably the hottest dish there. It features generous amounts of both Red Savina® and Fatalii powders giving each crouton sized piece the fresh equivalent of about three whole chiles. The sign is serious

In Closing:
Each person, me included, walked away with a lot of fond memories and a stack of recipes. At least one walked away with a life time commitment, eh Canefan? I wish I had time to relay them all- the Frozen peanut butter pie was to die for! Other interesting dishes included the chipotle/cinnamon chocolate ice cream and the habanero/lime honey bread. “Habanerohead” from the Chileheads list brought an incredible assortment of spicy German meats including tasso and cottage ham rolled in chile. This is where you normally put the line “for more info contact me” but I’m going to sign off with; if you’d like copies of these recipes and much, much more, plan to attend next year

“Older and wiser” is a phrase that does not apply here. As a couple of you already know, I’ve decided to make another run at the stair climb record. There is also the possibility that I’ll take a stab at the endurance record for time on a stationary bike- 85 hours! Matter of fact, I’m looking at doing these back to back- get off the stairs, rest a day and then get on the bike. To make it even better, it looks like it will be done outdoors, in August when the heat index can be expected to be over 100 F here.

There are several details to be worked out yet, funeral arrangements among them but it looks like the attempt will be made the week after JJ’s show. I’m attempting to do this in conjunction with Indiana State Fair at the Governors’ exhibit on trying to get people inspired to get in shape- IN Shape Indiana. The Governors’ office ought to be able to lend some weight to the efforts and give instant credibility. Our governor is a fitness buff and a serious chilehead himself. The idea to do it at the State Fair came from the fact that there was very little local support last year, depsite most of the charities having local connections. The Fair should be a high-visibility location that might inspire a few of the local businesses to ’step up’ and support the local charities.

While on the subject of support, I’d like to make it clear that I in no way expect a repeat of the Step Up Auctions. The support from the hot sauce community was outstanding last year and serves to stand on its’ own. I know that there are a lot of other auctions vying for attention and would encourage support for them. Thank you all very much for the support you’ve given! I am grateful beyond words. I am filing for 501.3(c) status in order to accommodate the continued support. No word yet on when that will be finalized. While I don’t think I’ll make any great improvement on the records, I do fully expect to improve on the fundraising.

To try and prove that I really don’t have a ‘death wish’- despite appearances- I’m making the second half of the record attempt contingent upon the amount of contributions raised. I really don’t have any great desire to kill myself for nothing If there is not sufficient support, then it will only be the stairs this year.

Thanks again, all. Sigh… time to get serious again

HSBers -
In order to meet or beat last years auction totals, I’m going to organize a set of auctions to run in the months just before Jim makes his attempt. If he can hit the 50k mark then he’ll be doing both the stairs and the bike. Please send an email to this address if you’d like to chip in and participate in the race to get Jim on the bike.
I’m thinking 5 auctions like last year with reserves made especially for Jim, if people are willing to participate. And in addition to the reserves, any number of special hot sauce sets made for the auctions - thoughts? ~ Nick

Another entertaining excerpt from Jim’s upcoming book

Every once in awhile, you make a run that is so truly bizarre as to become seared, seared I tell you, into your memory. The engine I was assigned to at the time, Engine 113, was dispatched to investigate a spill at 96th and Michigan Rd. This is an extremely busy intersection as it is within a few feet of an interstate interchange. We were dispatched about 12:00 noon on a hot sunny July day with temperatures in the low 90’s. The wind was calm. Most often a call like this involves a minor car accident where some oil has spilled onto the road way and we are called to either flush it off or put down some absorbent. As we neared this scene though, we noticed several things right off. One- traffic was a mess, backed up a considerable distance from the accident. It was a veritable parking lot and we were having difficulty in getting up to the scene. Two- though there were several police cars already on the scene, no officers were anywhere in sight. This was really odd as they should have been visible trying to get the traffic cleared. Three- as we approached closer to the scene, we saw several enormous black balloon shaped objects in the road, measuring several feet in length and more than a few feet high. Jack-knifed in the center of the intersection was a large tractor trailer rig. The trailer part was an open topped carrier like the kind you’d see hauling trash. It had obviously slammed on it’s brakes very hard causing the contents of the trailer to spill. The several large dark objects were in the road way and were causing traffic to swerve and negotiate around them.

Man oh man did they stink!Actually getting up on the scene, two things hit us instantaneously- the identification of the dark objects as several bloated, rotting cow carcasses and, the other thing to immediately hit us was the odor from them. Man oh man did they stink! The smell of a couple of thousand pounds of long, long dead rotting cattle parts, baking on the road on a hot summers’ day, cannot even be remotely described. It was an almost a palpable thickness in the air that wrenched your guts into knots and caused involuntary contractions of the throat. It required a conscious effort to even breathe. The sight was something else as well. A kind of liquified goo was covering the roadway, which represented the remnants of intestines, internal organs, and God only knows what else.

This was a truck headed for a rendering plant with a full load of rotting decayed animals. A car had cut it off, forcing it to slam on the breaks. The liquified remains sloshed up and over the top, spilling out onto the road. Three of these cows, bloated to about twice their normal size, were lying in the road. There were piles of identifiable parts; stomachs, intestines, hoofs, pig fetuses, and additional piles of unidentifiable parts- not that we were putting a lot of effort into staring at them trying to figure out what they were. When the size and enormity of the job struck us, we did the only thing we could do as professionally trained emergency responders- we burst out laughing hysterically. It was a comic scene like none we had ever witnessed.

The looks on the peoples’ faces driving by were priceless. You had the ‘young toughs’, arm hanging out the window, stereo way too loud, trying to look cool as they cruised down the road, only to have to slow down to navigate the mess. The stench hit them about the same time they came around the jack knifed trailer and found themselves staring eye ball to eye ball with a rotted stinking cow carcass, complete with bugged out eyes and a swollen tongue sticking a foot outside the mouth. They quickly lost their ‘coolness’. They couldn’t begin to roll up the windows fast enough! Many were obviously gagging and we won’t even get into the histrionics their female passengers were going through. We never laughed so hard in all of our lives! I looked about for the police officers to try and coordinate with them some sort of traffic control and action plan. There were three of them on the scene and all three of them were in the same spot- a ditch on the far side of the road furiously vomiting their guts out. We weren’t far from it ourselves but there was no way we were going to let them see us do it. That macho competition thing you know. After their color changed from green as grass to kind of a pasty yellowish white, they came over to us walking a bit unsteady. We talked to the driver of the truck who gave us the story and stated that another truck and a front end loader were on the way to help clean up the mess.

At that point our primary concern was traffic control. The traffic had pretty well managed to sort itself out by this time, narrowing down to one lane to get past the spill in each direction. We had nothing better to do but stand by and laugh until we hurt, watching the public go by. Some of the reactions were absolutely priceless! After an hour or so, it appeared the police had a slightly steadier set of legs under them though their color still wasn’t too good. Needless to say, they concentrated on the upwind side of the spill while we were stuck down wind of course- no point in arguing with a guy who has gun and a badge. There was no getting used to the smell and every once in awhile, as the wind swirled just right, you could feel the convulsing in the throat start. It was time to have some fun with the police. Waving them over, I asked the lead officer if I could borrow his cell phone. Puzzled, he said sure, but asked why. I told him that we were just getting ready to sit down to lunch when the run came out. We hadn’t eaten yet and were starving. We were going to order pizza delivered to the scene and wanted to know if they wanted in on any- we’d treat. A green flash hit their faces and they bolted enmasse back for the ditch to finish tossing up what little could have remained of their lunch.

Eventually, the other truck and the loader showed up and the tough job started. Using brooms and shovels we waded into the goo and started consolidating it into piles to be picked up by the front end loader.

The workers from the rendering plant ambled about appearing immune to the stench that was still threatening to overtake us despite our best efforts. One of them, while bending over to pick up a shovel full of goo, had his cigarette lighter drop out of his shirt pocket. He calmly reached down, fished it out of the pile, shook off the chunks, and dropped it back into his pocket. “Dude, that just ain’t right!” I sputtered. “Oh” he replied, “You kind of get used to it after awhile”.

About this time a city sanitation worker showed up in a little wannabe pick up truck. He was armed with a small shovel and stood next to his truck with a shell shocked look on his face. He continued to just stand there, standing stock still, staring, so I walked on over.

“I got dispatched on a report of a dead animal in the road” he mumbled, still staring wide eyed at the enormity of the scene in front of him.

“I thought it was a possum or something”. “Well, pal” I laughed- “I think you’re going to need a bigger truck!” He showed no signs of moving, frozen in place with a numb look on his face… until the wind shifted again. That got him moving- right back into his truck and off he went, never to be seen again.

After cleaning up the small piles, which seemed endless, we stood back and watched the front end loader go to work on the three huge dead cows. The things quivered and sloshed like water balloons as they were scooped up and poured back into the truck. The first two went in without a hitch, but when the third one dumped in, it exploded. A thirty foot geyser of liquified cow parts shot into the air and came raining down on us. The police, having nothing left to offer up, suffered through another round of dry heaves. We watched a particularly large chunk of the goo arc gracefully into the air and land perfectly in the back of a pick up truck driving past the scene at that moment. The driver appeared blissfully unaware of what had just happened, or the nature of the load he had just obtained. We had another round of hysterics watching that, speculating that he was going to make a rather interesting discovery at some point.

We hosed the remaining residue off of the road and set about cleaning up our equipment as best we could. We soaped and washed it at the scene, bleached it when we got back to the firehouse, washed it again, then sanded down all the shovel handles and put on a fresh cot of linseed oil. It didn’t help. For a month afterwards, the tool compartment absolutely reeked of rotted hamburger.

And, if I mention ‘dinner’ I’m sure you can already guess what was planned for the menu long in advance of the run having ever been dispatched. Yup- steak.

I’ll be showing my appreciation to all the fine folks that make up this blog, since they have supported me so strongly in the StepUp cause. Stop by the booth and identify yourself as a loyal follower of the HSB and I’ll give you a free 8 oz bottle of sauce. It will be either my Original Finishing Sauce (milder) or my Fiery Hot Habanero Sauce (fairly hot). As simple as that and no strings attached, other than the limitation of one per person and until I run out. Please be circumspect about this when visiting so that it doesn’t become a ‘give away’ to the general public. Hope to see you at the show & thanks for supporting the HSB.

The pepper supplier to the stars, Jim Campbell, has decided to join the ranks of the HSB writers and for his first foray into the HSB spotlight he has generously decided to share a excerpt from his upcoming book.

Chile peppers have been used as medicine for several thousand years now. Their medicinal properties have been employed at the firehouse on occasion as well. One of the more common uses was to help folks get over their addiction to smokeless tobacco products. “Chewing” has got to be one of the most rude and disgusting habits in existence in a group setting. Aside from the atrocious mess it made on apparatus bay floors and in the trash cans, more than once has someone accidentally grabbed the wrong soft drink can and too late discovered that instead of it being their diet Dr Pepper, it was someone elses’ improvised spit cup.

Personally I’d think it’d be hard to tell the two apart but those few times I saw it happen it left no doubt that the accidental victim knew pretty quick there was a difference!

One of the chewers- again even though there are no innocents in these stories- we’ll name ‘Al’. Al knew that it wasn’t a healthy habit and tried several times to quit. He foolishly indeed enlisted the help of his peers at the firehouse, knowing his buddies would only be too happy to help him see to it he quit. He asked them to point out when he reached for the chew or admonish him when they caught him chewing as he did it quite out of habit and wasn’t always aware he was doing it. His buddies, only too happy to oblige, ‘pointed it out’ by drilling him in the arm with a stinging right hook. Pretty soon his arm was black and blue and green and hanging pretty much useless at his side. Still, he continued to chew. Knowing that he was soon headed for a disability pension if the drilling continued, he asked that we do anything we could think of to help him stop chewing. Being concerned for the welfare of my brother firefighter and, knowing the medicinal properties of chile pepper, and firmly believing in the curative powers of the Red Savina® Habanero in particular, I unselfishly stepped up to the plate to try my hand at making him amend his ways as he requested. Al had (at the time) a habit of leaving his stash of chew unguarded. I took a pinch of it home and set to work. Carefully combining some of my stores of bright red habanero powder with some black 1 million Scoville extract, I set about trying to match the color, texture, and consistency of the chew.

Feeling as proud as Michaelangelo, after several attempts, I had a mix that was indistinguishable as compared to the regular chew. So armed, it was time to help a brother out in his hour of need.

It was only a shift or two before Al once again left his can of chew unguarded. In went the mix. It was then only a matter of a few minutes before he came back for it- barely enough time to duck out of the way, while he took the bait. He took off to start the morning check out on his fire truck. Al was an Engineer, the driver, and this is a task that usually takes a half hour or more. He took his usual large wad of chew, and after a couple of serrupticious glances about to make sure no one saw him, he greedily stuffed it between his cheek and gum.

He had bought a one way, non refundable ticket to enlightenment As related to me later, the nicotine and flavorings in the chew have a tendency to numb the mouth a bit at the start- a bit of synergistic chemistry I hadn’t considered. Thus, it was at least a minute or two before Al realized he had bought a one way, non refundable ticket to enlightenment. It hit with all the fury of an ex-wife seeking your pay raise. He managed one scream of terror and agony before a seizure of wild eyed panic took hold of him and sent him on several laps around the firetruck. Most of the other crews had assembled to watch the spectacle, being drawn to the sound of the commotion like wolves to the screams of a wounded animal. They stood there with me, admiring the healing power of peppers. Of course several had known in advance of what was about to take place and were with me in a discreet viewing spot when he first dropped in the chew. Out in the open now, we shouted to him, voicing words of encouragement as he made his frenzied dash about the place. While he made his laps we commented favorably on his here to for unseen agility and speed. On about his fourth or fifth trip, he spied a garden hose and raced to it like a sinner seeking salvation. He put it into his mouth and pulled the trigger.

There are two types of garden hoses in the apparatus bay. One is your normal everyday garden variety garden hose, used for filling mop buckets, rinsing your hands, and washing your car- it puts out about 5 gallons per minute. The other is a high pressure, high volume hose that is used for washing the firetrucks and apparatus bay floors- putting out almost 50. I needn’t tell you which one he grabbed. He had water squirting out of his ears! We had it running down our faces from crying with laughter. Some of the tears we had there were likely tears of joy also though, knowing that we had gone above and beyond the call of duty to bring better health to a brother and help him try and shed the habit of the evil weed.

He stopped chewing for almost a week.

It was a month and several more hard lessons though before he learned to stop leaving his chew lying about.