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Review: Ass Murdering Hot Sauce

 
Ass Murdering Hot Sauce
Ass Murdering Hot Sauce
Ass Murdering Hot Sauce

 
Overview
 

Maker: Bisummo
 
Cost: $5.95 from Bisummo
 
Ingredients: Lime juice (lime juice from concentrate, sodium benzoate, lime oil, sodium metabisulfite), jalapeno peppers, serrano peppers, Dijon mustard (water, vinegar, mustard seed, salt, white wine, fruit pectin, citric acid, tartaric acid, sugar, spice) garlic, habanero peppers, vinegar, molasses, olive oil, turmeric, [the kitchen sink"¦]
 
Pepper: ,
 
Label
 
 
 
 
 


 
Taste
 
 
 
 
 


 
Heat
 
 
 
 
 


 
Appearance
 
 
 
 
 


 
Aroma
 
 
 
 
 


 
Total Score
 
 
 
 
 
3/ 5


User Rating
no ratings yet

 


63
Posted February 15, 2008 by

 
Full Review
 
 

Ass Murdering Hot Sauce
First Impression: I’m going to deviate a bit from my normal routine and just say up front that I am quite fond of this sauce. I do this now because this sauce is called Ass Murdering Hot Sauce. As such, I might say a few things in the course of this review that in other reviews would be considered negative, let alone distasteful, but ultimately I figure whoever makes or purchases a sauce called Ass Murdering Hot Sauce (or any rectal, fecal, or flatulent-themed sauces, for that matter) have a sense of [bathroom] humor and can appreciate the fact that, for instance, I was considering smearing this sauce on a piece of toilet paper for my stand-alone sauce picture (it’s a plate, I swear).

Very nice label. It’s colorful, and we also see a beautiful visual pun, whereby a donkey (ass) has been rendered dead (x-ed out eyes, gravestone, and all) by hot sauce. The pun defeats itself though, or perhaps strengthens itself depending on how you want to look at it, in that the ass’s ass is also ablaze. So in effect, the viewer is left with this paradoxical confusion as to thematic intent. That is to say, what are we murdering when we ingest this sauce, our asses or ourselves?

Ingredients: Lime juice (lime juice from concentrate, sodium benzoate, lime oil, sodium metabisulfite), jalapeno peppers, serrano peppers, Dijon mustard (water, vinegar, mustard seed, salt, white wine, fruit pectin, citric acid, tartaric acid, sugar, spice) garlic, habanero peppers, vinegar, molasses, olive oil, turmeric, [the kitchen sink”¦]

Appearance: You mean, besides the contents of an infant’s diaper? Oh, SNAP! Actually, if you can get past that last line, it’s actually a beautiful rich dark yellow, I believe Crayola called it maize. It’s almost golden. It’s thick and the texture is coarse, with little hard things interspersed about, probably a combo of chile and mustard seeds and maybe minced garlic.

Ass Murdering Hot Sauce
Smell: Ha! The moment you’ve all been waiting for! Ass Murdering Hot Sauce smells like”¦garlic, primarily. Also, mustard, definitely. I don’t think a sauce can get this yellow without mustard playing a big role. Vinegar adds some acidic aroma which blends well with what I believe must be the lime. Maybe it’s the strong garlic, maybe it’s the flask-shaped bottle, but right now I’m reminded of the Pain is Good garlic offering, which used to be batch #37, may still be.

Taste: There are three very prominent flavors when I touch this sauce to my tongue: believe or not, the lime is the very first thing I taste. I’m thinking that the lime oil in the lime juice (see ingredients) might give the citrus that staying power. A few seconds after the lime, a very pungent, spicy garlic scourge sets in. The garlic is quickly elevated further by the distinctive mustard zest, which is both bold and warm somehow, possibly due to the sweetening effect of the molasses. I’m wondering if there are also cloves under the frustrating blanket term of “spice,” there is something mellow and comforting in there that I can’t quite place.

Heat: It’s pretty hot; I’d label it hot, but I think many would agree that they are exaggerating a bit for the sake of an admittedly very creative all-around sauce concept. The heat sets in in about 2-3 seconds and gradually builds into a moderately intense, mid to back-of-tongue sizzle (“Fa Shizzle,” as the label so eloquently articulates). I’m not really panting, certainly not sweating, and my nose has only a little fluidity. But it’s a pleasant, heat lover’s heat.

Ass Murdering Hot Sauce
Now, in the interest of journalistic integrity, I’m afraid I do have to report, a day later, on the status of my ass: While it is not advisable, and certainly illegal, to harbor a living equine creature on a Harlem rooftop, we’ve been quartering a Harold, a donkey, for just over a month now (he was abandoned, it was Christmas). In the recent arctic blast, I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to mix some of this stuff into his oats; it would either stave off frostbite, or substantiate the claims on the bottle, so it was really a win-win. What happened? Harold is still alive, but suffering from a serious case of laminitis, a common donkey disease of the foot, often attributed to over-eating”¦so he must have really liked it! Just pray he gets better.

Overall: It’s great! Creative from both an artistic and culinary perspective. Not terribly impressed by the heat level (especially in respect to all the fanfare), but I think the intensity is perfect, in that it’s decently hot, yet does not mask the complex flavors. I baked this on top of chicken. For some reason the citrusy lime flavor was what really stood out, and to an extent the heat was baked away, but it was very good! And to answer the question I posed way earlier, clearly I am the ass that this sauce attempted to murder.

I know this is already a long review, but if you can bear with me a few more minutes, I have a few words, helpful I think, on hot sauce pairing. There are several approaches I take in picking the right sauce for the right food that have always worked out quite well for me. The first thing I usually think about is color. Like some people find with wine, I look at the color of my dish or my meat, and match it with a similarly hued hot sauce. This time, for instance, I took this approach and applied a golden sauce to a golden baked chicken. Another thing I like to do sometimes is to think regionally. For example, if I am making a Southwestern dish, I might look to a Southwestern-style sauce, or a sauce from the Southwest. Prominent ingredients are another way to make the call. Let’s say I have a dish that calls for lots of cinnamon (not that I encounter dishes like that very often, just hypothetical). Then I might scour my shelves for a sauce where cinnamon figures prominently (I might not have a sauce quite like that, but you get the point). The last approach I’ll mention, and it’s kind of obvious, which I’ve also heard applied to wine, is screw what anyone tells you, use the combination that works: do what you think tastes good!

AND”¦Happy Valentine’s Day ladies! Hope you like my habanero flower with the serrano stem! Sorry about the raw chicken, but seeing that flower burnt and shriveled-up might have sent the wrong message.

Contact:
Bisummo, L.L.C.
2146 E. Old Mill Dr.
Deltona, FL 32725
(407)592-3902
bisummo.com


Brendan

 


63 Comments


  1.  
    SteveM

    Brendan, as usual, an extremely entertaining and creativley written review.

    I’m sure I will get lambasted for this comment, but I refuse to buy anything, no matter how good it is, that mixes references to bodily functions with the food I’m going to eat. It’s not that I’m a prude, but I just cringe when I’m trying to visualize a product that I want to eat right now and the brand name wants me to visualize it in the toilet tomorrow. Sorry, I don’t get it.

    Maybe I’m just getting old, or I’m suffering from an overdose of being bombarded by gross information on the TV when I’m trying to eat. I’ve given up watching the national news during dinner. The other night, as I tried to eat a tasty meal, during a 3-minute commercial break I was treated to information about constipation, diarrhea, gas, mucous, vaginal dryness, more mucous, more gas and bloating, four-hour erections and, oh yes, blood in the stool and “unusual discharges”.

    I’m sure this little rant will draw some ire from those who eagerly collect the bottles with labels depicting a hillbilly bursting out of an outhouse with his ass on fire, but I’m going to stand up and say it’s downright distasteful.

    But, as they say, “to each his own”. It’s a free country. I plan to continue to exercise my freedom NOT to to eat where I sh_t.




  2.  
    Paeses6

    I personally can’t stand any hot sauce named for ass, anal, rectal etc or any silly names like Bid Bad Momma’s Butt Stompin’ Hot Sauce.

    It is juvenile and detracts from the product.

    Just a personal bias sorry!




  3.  
    Albatross

    SteveM…I can’t agree more…your post is spot on. I do not and will not buy any vulgar names that are trting to ne funny.




  4.  
    Brendan

    stevem,
    so my question to you is, would you be willing to suspend your disbelief for a sauce like this one, where we can construe “ass murdering” as the literal homicide of a donkey? or is the fire exiting it’s anus, as illustrated, too literal? that is to say, would you have bought it if i didn’t further magnify the bathroom aspect? i think we may be on the same page here, but i’m not sure. the point i was making in the review is that there is clearly an audience for sauces with similar themes and they are the ones who would buy the sauce. likewise, there are people like you, who don’t want to associate food with bodily functions…which is fine and understandable, but i think from what you said, that you wouldn’t have been interested in this sauce no matter what i said. honestly, i’m indifferent to these themes in sauces, but also not sensitive whatsoever to these kind of things. when constructing this review, i strove from the very beginning to get the point across that i thought this sauce was very, very good, and very interesting, despite the ass-factor, and even if i wanted to take it even further and talk about my own ass, this sauce, for me, did not live up to it’s titular insinuations. i’m not trying to rabble-rouse, and my guess is that i am in the minority with my views and tolerance for grossness, but yes, to each his own, and i’m not going to censor myself for anyone. if nick finds it inappropriate, then obviously i have no problem with him editing as much as he wants, he runs the show. but i appreciate the feedback, and completely respect your right not to eat where you sh*t




  5.  
    SteveM

    Brendan, the commentary in your review was totally appropriate to the subject matter. Furthermore, when and if Nick sends ME a sauce to review with a name that threatens to plumb the depths of vulgarity, I will do what you did – I will go there.

    As for Donkeycide, that’s far too sensitive a subject. I was just at an opera in NYC and they had a live donkey on stage. I thought to myself, I want one! They might be the cutest animals ever, and, like most of us hot sauce aficionados, dumb as dirt. So the thought of burning a poor donkey from the inside-out with some insideous sauce is too much to envision.

    Anyway, keep up the good work!




  6.  
    Brendan

    Ha, yeah i guess i was getting a little too defensive for no reason there…but for me the name (and labeling) really has nothing to do with my feelings about a sauce and my decision to purchase. while i think smell, appearance, packaging, etc. is useful information for the potential consumer, for me it’s all about taste and heat. i don’t care what you wanna joke about (we could probably get a good dialogue going about the pornographic sauces too) as long as you deliver a good product. i mean thats a good argument with blind reviews too…when you strip everything away (no pun intended) is it still the same sauce?




  7.  
    chrisk

    Good comments SteveM

    There are alot of the humor/joke-type sauces out there. And while I dont usually buy them there are a few exceptions in my collection. Maybe Im missing some real good sauces, but for some reason I seem to feel that these sauces get more of their sales on the “joke” factor rather then repeat business of a “good tasting” sauce. That I base on just a few “joke” sauces I have tried. I will agree that even if the sauce rocks, if the label is of “poor taste” (and everyone has a different tolerence level) then it wont make its way to the table. These sauces are a part of the “hot sauce world” and will continue to show up.

    Oh, and I couldnt agree more on the news, dont watch it and still cant get away from it. In the lobby at work, at the bank, in the gym, dam CNN shows up everywhere 😉




  8.  
    DK

    What a bunch of anal snobs.

    [Comment ID #127822 Quote]

    Right on Brendan.

    Although it’s a little long, nice review. I think it could have used a pic of the dish after it was cooked, even if the “flower” did burn.




  9.  
    Scott Ross

    I see that most of the negative comments about “Ass Murdering Hot Sauce” have to do with the visuals on the bottle. As the brother of the founder of the sauce I can assure you that if you would like a really great sauce, my brother will ship you one sans the label. If you consider yourself a hot sauce aficionado don’t miss out on this sauce. I spent 12 years in the army. I’ve gone through buckets of different hot sauces trying to make army field food palatable. I wish I had this sauce back then.

    Scott




  10.  
    SteveM

    [Comment ID #127839 Quote] DK, well put! I figured I’d add some chap to those already-burned asses out there!




  11.  
    BLANE

    Great review Brendan.

    For the rest, it was a good read seeing your walk on water comments.

    It’s a slap in the face to the large manufactures out there:

    Sir farts alot
    Insanity sauce
    ain’t milk
    Blown away
    Hot love
    Queen of farts
    Liquid stooip.
    even a sauces called bluesHabanero the word blues made me so depressed each time I saw the sauce, it just happened again.

    You get my point, maybe not the most vulgar but where do you draw the line.

    Brendan thanks for looking outside the box, it’s funny how people show there’s anal beliefs on some topics and turn there head on others.

    But like you said opinions are like asholes, everyone has one.




  12.  
    SteveM

    [Comment ID #127846 Quote] if any of those so-called large manufacturers out there make a good sauce without the poo poo-ca ca label, they probably have my business already.

    And I’m enjoying reading the rebuttal comments from the folks who walk on toilet water. Keep em coming.




  13.  
    Brendan

    I’m sure i could easily figure this out by snooping around HSB, but what happened to Da Bomb “Ground Zero” after 9-11? I have friends who see that on my shelf and are just flabbergasted at how incredibly insensitive it is, before i tell them it was purchased in June of ’01. Isn’t there also a sauce called 9-1-1?




  14.  
    Buddah

    [Comment ID #127849 Quote]

    reBUTTal LOL Nice one SteveM!

    I recently lent out what I think is one of the funniest movies I have ever watched, “40 year Old Virgin”. For those that have never seen the movie, its a comedy with the emphasis on vulgarity type slapstick. The person I lent it to said it was quite distasteful and they just thought it was an inappropriate movie. Yet, the movie was a hit at the box office and in dvd sales. Some people like this kind of stuff, and maybe its a lot of people, I don’t know, but as long as there is a market for a product in this fine Country of ours, then let them have the freedom to put whatever they want on a bottle. If it offends too many, then I am sure it will fail. If it is funny to the majority, then maybe it will be a windfall. To each their own.

    Now if a hot sauce with the name, pick one at random, “Gorgeous Tatas” won a Golden Chili Award for a hot sauce category you like. If the name offended you, would you not want to try it? Just curious how far the name thang goes.

    Okay I just got the call, I am off to Columbus, see ya folks.




  15.  
    Sam

    All right guys, Peel the label off if it offends you! Back to the bottle contents! I really like this sauce. I feel that it is more of a spicy mustard than a hot sauce. I made an onion habanero burger last night with this stuff mixed in the burger and as a condiment, simply delicious. It has you guys all in a discussion about the label, which in my book is clever marketing.

    Does anyone else who has tried this sauce have anything to say?




  16.  
    Leroy

    Just remember this.

    BRET’S EAT SHIT AND HOWL AT THE MOON That’s one great sauce. If you want to try it you will have to go to JJ’s WEEKEND OF FIRE.




  17.  
    Leroy

    [Comment ID #127855 Quote]

    Buddah I heard they just close Columbus




  18.  
    Sam

    Sorry Brendan, I forgot to say nice review. Long, but nice. I think the Habanero flower kicks ass, and I have a feeling you may end up seeing those as garnishes on some of the food in reviews.




  19.  
    BLANE

    [Comment ID #127849 Quote]

    I need to do some research but I think someone did a review about a bad sex sauce, can’t remember exactly the name. HMMMMMM wonder who did that one. Whatever the water, I’m glad you can see that I walk on water thanks Steve 😉




  20.  

    These are all great comments, and fun to read!




  21.  
    Gildo

    Bottom line, the label on this sauce has provoked not just controversy, but conversation, and that has caused curiosity. It doesn’t take a marketing genius to figure out this is one way to sell sauce. Who cares what the label looks like or what it says. I personally am not a fan of them, but do enjoy looking at them and usually get a good laugh at most (DK and his bottle of Swamp Honkey). If the MFG does have a winner product like Ass Murdering Hot sauce and chooses to come up with a distasteful (per one’s own opinion) name and label, than they run the risk of it not selling to those they offend. That’s their problem. But, on the other hand, there are just as many people who do like this sort of thing and they likely out number those who don’t. So big deal. Let’s get over this and worry about what is important, the sauce inside the bottle.




  22.  
    BLANE

    Is SteveM the same person who does the Reviews posted by Steve?




  23.  
    Leroy

    [Comment ID #127860 Quote]
    BRET’S EAT SHIT AND HOWL AT THE MOON
    BEST SAUCE AND LABEL Just ask the people thAT buy it at JUNGLE JIM’S




  24.  
    Devil Duck

    I have read and re-read all of the comments about this sauce. It may be a good sauce, but without this review, my curiosity about it would have stopped at the label.

    I have never been a fan of the companies who elect to use the “vulgar” language and punny (is that a word?) phrases. One reason being, I’ve had way too many bad sauces that use this type of advertising to bother to try another.

    As everyone knows, I’m trying like crazy to get my business off the ground. The last thing I want to do is turn away anyone from my products for any reason. Now, I’ll probably lose the hard-core Christian crowd because of the word “Devil”, but those people probably think garlic powder is too spicy… I digress.

    Now, humor is one thing. Bathroom humor (especially on a product) is another. I have a sauce called “Nuclear Scurvy” for cryin’ out loud. And when you see the color of it, you’ll get the joke. I refuse to use terms like “Ass Magma” for anything I produce. To me, it’s just not professional.




  25.  

    [Comment ID #127898 Quote]

    I actually laughed outloud at this review. Well done Brendan, well done.
    Dirty labels sell like hot cakes in our shop…once. Hard to say if people even open them, perhaps they do and that’s why they don’t buy it again, perhaps not.
    As Bret from JJ’s will always say, the novelty or “potty” labels sell very well. They are a big hit at Christmas, bachelor and bachelorette parties. I sold a good number of them for Valentines Day.
    To each his own. It’s nice to hear from this review that this sauce is a gooder. I’ll add it to our shopping list for the shop.
    Hmmm, Ass Magma….if you’re not going to use that name for one of your DD, I got first dibs!!

    Just like in life, love and hotsauce, it’s what’s inside that counts.

    May God bless us everyone!!




  26.  
    DK

    Ass Magma

    Not to be confused with Magma. 😉 😆




  27.  
    Anthony

    A place like JJ’s can get away with stocking crap like that (not meaning AMHS as I haven’t tried it). They have the volume to keep it moving even with single time buyers. The smaller shop that wants repeat clientelle has to focus more on flavour rather than farts to keep them coming back.




  28.  
    Devil Duck

    [Comment ID #127906 Quote]

    Wasn’t on purpose…it was the first thing that came to mind.




  29.  
    parker394

    [Comment ID #127893 Quote]

    Wow Leroy, give it up for Bret’s sauce! I tried it once….

    😀




  30.  
    BLANE

    Every store that carries more than 50 different types of sauces have these in the store. It’s just not the big places like JJ’s




  31.  

    [Comment ID #127816 Quote]

    There is an entire industry devoted to creating this genre of brands, some manufacturers even brand a single sauce with many different ASS labels. Can you believe it???




  32.  
    Sam

    Like I said, clever marketing,… and for those of you who choose not to partake because you think the label is distasteful, you’ll never know what your missing!!!




  33.  
    Leroy

    [Comment ID #127911 QuoTE

    woof woof




  34.  

    Great review Brendan and as the maker of Ass Murdering Hot Sauce, I am very appreciative of the extensive time you spent in creating such a thorough evaluation of my Family’s hot sauce. Your colorful assessment of our sauce and quick witted comments made your review an enjoyable read.

    Now for the other…

    No Donkeys were harmed in the making of our hot sauce 😛 and as much as it pains me to agree with SteveM about anything, we find them to be extremely adorable creatures as well.

    As far as the controversy over our label…

    I am afraid SteveM has unknowingly fallen prey to one of the psychological mechanisms inherent with our label design; he has exposed himself as the hypocrite that he is by bringing up multiple vulgarities in a public forum (see below). Shame on you SteveM…potty mouth, clean it up with Orbit. My virgin ears were burning. 😯

    Our label, however, merely has a donkey with it’s biblically referred to name and no mention of any other secretion or body part. Alright, there’s the flames but that’s the only hint of any bodily function present on our label and what the !@#&, [<–Censored by the committee to squash creative thought] I needed some more color in the label to make it really POP! I never claim nor act like I’m unflawed and will readily admit that I am a hypocrite so don’t feel so bad SteveM. The first step in the road to recovery is admitting that you have a problem and we are all here at this intervention for you SteveM….c’mon, just admit it….we’re here for you…you can do it…just say it… here, I will start you off: I…..am….you’re doing good-keep it com’in…. a…..hypocrite. There now SteveM, that wasn’t so hard and don’t you feel much better for coming to terms with that? Great job people and thanks for coming to the defense of our hot sauce.

    Now back to reality but only for a moment as it’s not a fun place to be.

    Our main intent in developing our label wasn’t to offend people but rather to bring a little levity to our intense world. As SteveM eludes, it is down right depressing watching the news any more. We got into this business because we wanted to meet some real people that still had a positive passion in life and to bring some fun back into our otherwise mundane 9 to 5 ham and egger lives. So far we have; from Tom down at Peppers of Key West to John at Cavallari Gourmet to Tim at The Lighthouse Seafood store to Amir at Sweat ‘n Spice and let’s not forget good ole Sam from Zane and Zack’s Honey Company who has been a great supporter of our company in the short time we’ve known him. Additionally, it has been a pleasure hearing stories from our repeat customer’s like Frank Garcia who tells us that he can’t give out our sauce quick enough to his landscaping crews or Chuck & Cyndee Farrell who use the sauce on every food known to man and then there’s Steve Harper who is constantly inventing new things to put our sauce on (lacing your chewing tobacco with our hot sauce was a little much but to each his own). My favorite story and one that I am most proud of is when my wonderful neighbor across the street said that our hot sauce was the first thing that brought a smile to her face in the months since her Husband past away just before Christmas.

    In the end it’s about the sauce and while we never claim to be Culinary Genius’ we have put together a really great tasting sauce that people seem to be crazy about once they give it a chance. The funny thing is that most people buy our sauce because they get a kick out of the label and then they return to purchase more a couple days later and say in astonishment that the sauce was unbelievably good. A lot of what makes this sauce so great can be directly attributed to all of you because over the last year I have talked and, more importantly, listened to a bunch of the frequent Bloggers of this site as well as many others that have given me invaluable advice into what should be put into the sauce….so hats off to all of you for a job well done. Ass Murdering Hot Sauce is truly the sauce of the people.

    One final note:

    As my Bro has already pointed out, I have no problem shipping our sauce without the label if it offends someone that much. Just contact us via e-mail or phone and let us know what your preference is. Who knows, maybe I will come up with an alternate label of a puppy sniffing flowers for the more sensitive crowd….NOT! Uncle Big, have you already slapped a trademark on Ass Magma? 😈

    In closing…

    Great work Brendan and thanks to all of you that have given our hot sauce a chance. We hope to meet each and everyone of you at some of the upcoming Festivals. Spread the word for us and come back to Bisummo (phonetically pronounced: Buy-Some-Mo [Mo is slang for more]).

    Todd “Turk” Ross




  35.  

    I guess I haven’t master the art of Blogging. Here is a more legible version of my comments above.

    Great review Brendan and as the maker of Ass Murdering Hot Sauce, I am very appreciative of the extensive time you spent in creating such a thorough evaluation of my Family’s hot sauce. Your colorful assessment of our sauce and quick witted comments made your review an enjoyable read.

    Now for the other…

    No Donkeys were harmed in the making of our hot sauce 😛 and as much as it pains me to agree with SteveM about anything, we find them to be extremely adorable creatures as well.

    As far as the controversy over our label…

    I am afraid SteveM has unknowingly fallen prey to one of the psychological mechanisms inherent with our label design; he has exposed himself as the hypocrite that he is by bringing up multiple vulgarities in a public forum (see below). Shame on you SteveM…potty mouth, clean it up with Orbit. My virgin ears were burning. 😯

    SteveM quote: ”constipation, diarrhea, gas, mucous, vaginal dryness, more mucous, more gas and bloating, four-hour erections and, oh yes, blood in the stool and “unusual discharges”

    Our label, however, merely has a donkey with it’s biblically referred to name and no mention of any other secretion or body part. Alright, there’s the flames but that’s the only hint of any bodily function present on our label and what the !@#&, [<–Censored by the committee to squash creative thought] I needed some more color in the label to make it really POP! I never claim nor act like I’m unflawed and will readily admit that I am a hypocrite so don’t feel so bad SteveM. The first step in the road to recovery is admitting that you have a problem and we are all here at this intervention for you SteveM….c’mon, just admit it….we’re here for you…you can do it…just say it… here, I will start you off: I…..am….you’re doing good-keep it com’in…. a…..hypocrite. There now SteveM, that wasn’t so hard and don’t you feel much better for coming to terms with that? Great job people and thanks for coming to the defense of our hot sauce.

    Now back to reality but only for a moment as it’s not a fun place to be.

    Our main intent in developing our label wasn’t to offend people but rather to bring a little levity to our intense world. As SteveM eludes, it is down right depressing watching the news any more. We got into this business because we wanted to meet some real people that still had a positive passion in life and to bring some fun back into our otherwise mundane 9 to 5 ham and egger lives. So far we have; from Tom down at Pepper’s of Key West to John at Cavallari Gourmet to Tim at The Lighthouse Seafood store to Amir at Sweat ‘n Spice and let’s not forget good ole Sam from Zane & Zack’s World Famous Honey Company who has been a great supporter of our company in the short time we’ve known him. Additionally, it has been a pleasure hearing stories from our repeat customer’s like Frank Garcia who tells us that he can’t give out our sauce quick enough to his landscaping crews or Chuck & Cyndee Farrell who use the sauce on every food known to man and then there’s Steve Harper who is constantly inventing new things to put our sauce on (lacing your chewing tobacco with our hot sauce was a little much but to each his own). My favorite story and one that I am most proud of is when my wonderful neighbor across the street said that our hot sauce was the first thing that brought a smile to her face in months since her Husband past away just before Christmas.

    In the end it’s about the sauce and while we never claim to be Culinary Genius’ we have put together a really great tasting sauce that people seem to be crazy about once they give it a chance. The funny thing is that most people buy our sauce because they get a kick out of the label and then they return to purchase more a couple days later and say in astonishment that the sauce was unbelievably good. A lot of what makes this sauce so great can be directly attributed to all of you because over the last year I have talked and, more importantly, listened to a bunch of the frequent Bloggers of this site as well as many others that have given me invaluable advice into what should be put into the sauce….so hats off to all of you for a job well done. Ass Murdering Hot Sauce is truly the sauce of the people.

    One final note:

    As my Bro has already pointed out, I have no problem shipping our sauce without the label if it offends someone that much. Just contact us via e-mail or phone and let us know what your preference is. Who knows, maybe I will come up with an alternate label of a puppy sniffing flowers for the more sensitive crowd….NOT! Uncle Big, have you already slapped a trademark on Ass Magma? 😈

    In closing…

    Great work Brendan and thanks to all of you that have given our hot sauce a chance. We hope to meet each and everyone of you at some upcoming Festivals. Spread the word for us and come back to Bisummo (phonetically pronounced: Buy-Some-Mo [Mo is slang for more]).

    Todd “Turk” Ross




  36.  

    Still didn’t get it right but oh well, you get the point.

    BTW – DK…great site! I don’t feel so lonely with my sick sense of humor.

    ~Turk: Purveyor of Vulgar Fiery-Foods of Distinction & damn proud of it!




  37.  
    Nathan Brown

    Love the review brendan. I am really shocked at how much discussion there was over the label.

    You are the MAN!




  38.  
    BLANE

    [Comment ID #127971 Quote]

    Great response, looking forward in trying your sauce.




  39.  

    [Comment ID #127970 Quote]

    Todd, I understand you may be a little miffed at SteveM for his comments about the label, but was it really necessary to be so condescending towards him in your original post with your comments about his perceived hypocrisy? He was just stating his opinion. I’m not sure it was really necessary to attempt to defend your label at all. It all just came across as some sort of bandstand from your soapbox. You got a great review on your product. Isn’t that enough? Sometimes not saying anything at all is most effective.




  40.  
    BLANE

    [Comment ID #127987 Quote]

    Shut up all ready, his point on hypocrisy is right on, maybe I’m wrong here but didn’t Steve do a review on a sauce called Bad Sex and say he liked the label…… Ever time you open your mouth you put your foot in. Look at Turks comment he made fun of the issue even made fun of himself.

    Gildo after 2 years are you ever going to have a sauce? Thats what I thought.




  41.  
    BLANE

    Be quite ? are you kidding me Gildo, His comment was well said. It gets old hearing from all you pantie wearing, mandal wearing green pepper eating, well you get the point.

    I think it’s time to go order a case of this sauce.




  42.  
    Margaret

    Best sauce I’ve ever tasted. Heads and shoulders above the rest. Couldn’t get enough of it. Not to mention the founder of AMHS is devastatingly handsome.

    Love,

    Mom




  43.  

    [Comment ID #127991 Quote]

    Bacon Boy, good to see you’re still full of positive energy. I’m not sure if Steve did a review on bad sex and really don’t care. If anyone on this blog needs the shut the fcuk up it’s you. Oh, and yes BLANE, the sauces are still in the works. Everything is out with our NEW contract packager at the moment. Hoping to have product in the bottle AGAIN this summer, and this time done correctly.




  44.  
    BLANE

    [Comment ID #128009 Quote]

    LOL………. Too funny




  45.  
    BLANE

    Read the comment you replied to Turk with and then the one you replied to me….. Make up your mind ASSSSSSclown




  46.  

    [Comment ID #128012 Quote]

    What? Are you some sort of high-level retard? You make no sense Bacon Boy.




  47.  
    SteveM

    [Comment ID #127888 Quote] No, we are two different reviewers.




  48.  
    BLANE

    [Comment ID #128014 Quote]

    Thanks, I do my best. Whats your excuse dildo?




  49.  
    SteveM

    Turk, I look forward to tasting the sauce that comes in the “puppy” bottle. Too funny! I think you really summed it all up with the words, “In the end, it’s about the sauce…”. Did you mean to make that pun?

    Anyway, this is a fun subject. Seriously, I think I might be coming around to being a little less judgemental about sauces with crass names after reading the review of yours.

    But Devil Duck makes a valid point – he says “I’ve had way too many bad sauces that use this type of advertising to bother to try another.” That’s what has kept me away from them. The few that I have tried were sh_t! Well, here we go again with the bathroom talk!

    SM




  50.  
    JJ

    [Comment ID #127812 Quote]
    For all of the fella’s….I am a girl that loves my food HOT. But let’s be honest with each other, when you like your food hot and are always topping everything off with your next favorite hot sauce, you are definitely “AWARE” of the aftermath. It’s not news to you what’s going to happen next, it’s a sacrifice you are willing to make in the pursuit of a great tasting heat. IT IS AN ADDICTION! And yes, it is funny, when it’s all said and done, that we forfeit so much toilet time to enjoy a mere 15 minutes worth of intense flavor. But isn’t it so worth it….!

    For all of you tight assholes out there, relax, the shit’s funny (no pun intended) we all know what’s coming, and to think that the label offends you, come on, this isn’t a DETAILED DESCRIPTION of what’s to come, It’s your imagination running wild is what’s grossing you out!

    As far as being juvenile, grow down. We have too many old farts in this world, and to avoid purchases just to justify your stand on the issue will just leave you out in the cold. You’re missing out on some great tasting sauces out there created by people who actually have a sense of humor and are equally innovative in the kitchen. Would you prefer a sauce labeled “Just like my mom made it”? Come on, move back home, again!

    Last but not least, eating & digestion IS a bodily function. If you are having problems with the whole procedure, maybe you should consider counseling. Remember, you will sh*t after you eat, no matter how much it grosses you out. It’s a natural process; you should know this by now.

    April in sunny HOT Florida




  51.  

    [Comment ID #128050 Quote]

    WTF?




  52.  

    [Comment ID #128037 Quote]

    Steve – I am so glad that you took my earlier reply with a grain of salt as the ribbing was intended as good natured but sarcasm is hard to translate in a written form. Devil Duck does make a valid point but, on the flip side, you could be missing out on some great sauces. Novelty labels spur initial sales if they are clever but can not produce sustained sales over the long term unless they are something very special. The sauce has got to stand on its own unless you want to reinvent yourself every few months with a new label which, in itself, presents a whole new set of challenges. If I were trying to screen out some of the lesser sauces, I would read comments posted by reviewers that I respected and then make my purchasing decisions based on that input. By the way, nice to make your acquaintance.

    Gildo – Bisummo was created as a company to encourage and promote working class, blue collar creations. We are still in our infancy as company and don’t have much of an offering as of yet. Our long term vision for Bisummo is that we will evolve, over time, into an eclectic mix of products developed by Inventors, Artists, Actors, Musicians, Authors, Chefs and anything else that has creative merit. With that being said, good luck with your efforts and please let us know when we can spread the word about what I am sure will be a great sauce. It’s not easy and anyone other than corporate America that gets a product to market should be applauded for their efforts.

    Blane – You sound like you would be a blast to hang out with and kick a few back. Are you going to ZestFest in Miami? Hopefully we’ll run into each other there. What sauces do you offer? I’d like to try some so write back when you get a chance.

    Mom – Aahh gawly gee Mom did you have to embarrass me in front of the gang? I love you too. Funny thing about Moms….they love you no matter how butt ugly you really are.

    Everyone – A frequent and well respected Blogger of hotsauceblog dot com wisely told me that the hot sauce industry is a very close knit Brotherhood and Sisterhood (can’t forget the Tamale girls, Cindy and many more I’m sure) of people that you must gain their support in order to have any chance of success in this business. I am hoping that the review on our sauce did just that and that the follow-up comments didn’t alienate anyone. At the end of the day I hope everyone realizes that it’s just a silly little sauce that tastes great with your food.

    Stepping off the soap box….he trips a bit…..regains his composure….and finally Ladies and Gentlemen, Turk has left the building.

    P.S. – Anyone that would like to join my 800 lb. Gorilla Marketing Group should forward their contact information to turk at bisummo dot com. We offer no pay, no chance for advancement and very little hope of vacation time but there is strength in numbers and we can employ our Ninja Marketing tactics to mutually promote our products and causes.

    The Few, the Proud, the Ridiculous…..

    ~Turk




  53.  
    Buddah

    [Comment ID #128050 Quote]

    I think I found my future wife. Please tell me you are single JJ. 😉

    [Comment ID #128099 Quote]

    Damn Turk, I thought I talk a lot. Well I do, but you are the man. If my honey hero Sam recommends you, I am sure you are worth trying, so sooner or later I will get some. Blane, is a bit of a wackjob, but he is all heart and warmth if you meet him. I think the warmth comes from all the hot air being released. He doesn’t make hot sauce, but if he did, you better believe it would have bacon in it.

    Enjoyable reading everything in this thread, I got a quite a few chuckles along the way.




  54.  

    It was fun…wasn’t it? Sam’s a great guy and we feel fortunate that our paths crossed so early in our company’s existence. We have an excellent bacon wrapped stuffed jalapeno recipe that incorporates Ass Murdering Hot Sauce into the mix that you’ll have to try. I’m going to submit it within the next week for Nick to post on HSB if he deems it worthy. Speaking of bacon, someone has got to explain the back-story of why everyone makes references to bacon when Blane’s name gets brought up.

    Nice meeting ya Buddah and I’d be real careful messing around with April…she sounds like she’s a live wire. 🙂




  55.  
    Buddah

    [Comment ID #128283 Quote]
    Turk,

    Blane works with bacon, hence the Baconboy, Baconator, Blancon, etc nicknames.

    On top of the page there is the Boiler Room, there is a recipe section if you want to add it there. You coming to Albuddahquerque for the Fiery Food Show in less than 2 weeks? I know Sam is going amongst a whole load of other Chileheads from here.




  56.  

    Albuddahquerque…too funny! Unfortunately we dropped Ass Murdering Hot Sauce a little too late in the game last year to make the Fiery-Food Festival but next year we will be there for sure. It would have been a nice break but who needs a life…right? We are planning to go to ZestFest in Miami this year so hopefully we will have the opportunity to meet everyone there.

    Any advice on what shows we should submit our sauce to for judging?




  57.  
    Buddah

    [Comment ID #128302 Quote]

    I wouldn’t be the one to ask on that since I am just a Chilehead not a manufacturer. I know of the Golden Chiles at Zestfest and the Scovies at the Fiery Food Show in Albuddahquerque. You should also come to the Weekend of Fire at Jungle Jim’s in Fairfield, Ohio. That is Aug 2-3, and is run by Bret. You can see the “dates to remember” on the left side of this page for info. That will be a very fun event, I was there last year.




  58.  

    [Comment ID #128302 Quote]

    Buddah is correct, The Golden Chiles at Zestfest and the Scovies at the Fiery Food Show are the biggest – but there are other smaller ones.

    JJ does not have any judging, but it is a great show, especially when you are just starting out, as it is mech cheaper than Zestfest and the FFS.




  59.  

    Buddah & Fat Kid Sauces – Thanks for the info. I can’t wait until we can start hitting some of these great events. Congrats on your ’08 hot sauce award FKS.




  60.  
    Leroy

    [Comment ID #128345 Quote]

    I’m sure if you want a award Bret from JJ”s will give you one.




  61.  

    We’ve had a couple people say good things about Jungle Jims so we’ll have to get in touch with Bret when we can free up some time. Thanks Leroy.




  62.  
    KactusJake

    Is this PC thread dead already? Oh well. Seeing as baseball season is coming up, Good luck Cleveland native Americans.




  63.  
    Lynn

    Let’s just say I am a creative cook.
    I use this wonderful mustard based hot sauce on everything from burgers, baked beans, mexican layered dip in the refried beans, salmon on the grill, a ham sandwich, skillet steak and stir fry, deviled eggs, easter ham glaze mixed with brown sugar, any place where you would normally use yellow or spicy brown mustard…
    Kick it up….Yum!





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