Dear Pyrate Louie,
I’ve been in a relationship for awhile with, well, a bottle, and I don’t know what to do. At first it was exciting and spicy, but lately everything has just gone mild and sputtered off. I need some Heat, but I don’t want to jump into anything too fast and get burned. And while I’m at it, I also want to help save the World. What should I do?
Signed-Tasteless in Wisconsin.

Gentle Reader,
We’ve all been at some point in our lives where we find ourselves stuck in a rut, and sometimes it is because we can’t let go of old bottles. You have to know: It’s not your fault. You want to try something new, but you don’t want to get scorched. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! So I recommend you go out and buy yourself something nice, like for example Golden Toad’s Chipotle Pepper Sauce. It’s hot, it’s sweet (sorta), and in the end, it won’t burn you too bad. Read on, Gentle Reader, read on.

Ingredients: Vinegar (White and apple cider), Canned Chipotle peppers (chipotle peppers, water, tomato puree, vegetable oil [corn or safflower], flour, salt, vinegar, onion powder, garlic powder and spices), fresh red onion, chipotle peppers, fresh garlic, cilantro, salt and spices.
First of all, I have to confess that I was using this sauce for awhile after Nick sent it to me, forgetting that I was supposed to review it. That’s how at home in my fridge it felt, like it was always there. When my wife asked one day where it came from that’s when I remembered I was supposed to review it. Whoops on my part.
If chile peppers were royalty, the Habanero would be King, and the Chipotle would be the Clown Prince-never taken too seriously, but always fun to have around. The Chipotle, the smoked ripe jalapeno, is a flavorful chile with a good degree of heat. The problem for most people though is that it’s usually sold in its dried form, and when its sold en adobo (a vinegar tomato brine) it often tastes metallic. Golden Toad has taken this pepper and made one heck of a sauce out of it.
As soon as you open up the bottle you smell the vinegar/tomato base with chipotles (read the ingredients list again-Golden Toad used chipotles en adobo). There’s a hint of garlic, but I couldn’t detect any cilantro (which is near last on the list). I poured this love juice on my trusty tasting spoon, and even though the bottle has a flow control, the stuff pours smoothly. Again, on the spoon you could smell the vinegar/tomato base.

As far as heat goes, this is the Chipotle, which doesn’t attack for a couple of seconds, and when it does it’s in the back. This sauce did exactly that as when I sampled it I got the sweet-tangy flavor of the vinegar/tomato base, then chipotle, then heat. I couldn’t really taste any garlic or cilantro, though, which is disappointing. But this sauce does cover all the taste buds, and it really explodes with all around flavor. I’ve been using this on just about everything, which says a lot, being a devoted Hardened Habbie Head. The one food this really goes well on is just about everything breakfast, as in eggs and bacon, or even better, a B.L.T. with fried egg. And what’s weird is that it really washes down well with coffee, I don’t know why.

AND as an added bonus, by purchasing this product you’re doing your part in saving the world. The tag line on the label reads “Saving the Planet One Tongue at a Time. A portion of our annual proceeds is donated towards wildlife habitat conservation efforts”. How cool is that? These people have obviously been to my work place! (huzzah!).

So, my Five Point Scale.
Appearance:4-I’ve always loved toads on bottles. But the sauce is good, too: deep brown with pieces of chipotle and seeds.
Aroma: 3-Again, vinegar, tomato, repeat. Vinegar, tomato, repeat. Then chipotles.
Heat: 3-This is not the hottest sauce out there, not even the hottest chipotle sauce I’ve ever had. But for newbies this would be fantastic as it does have a kick you’ll notice without dying for.
Flavor: 4-This is essentially liquid chipotle. The entire smoky, citrus, earthy flavor without all the hassle.
Overall: 3.75-This is the sauce you’re going to be using without even knowing it. It’s such a great all-around sauce, and if you need more heat, here’s my simple formula: One drop 500,000 SHU extract per four tablespoons Golden Toad. I will be ordering more when I run out. Get some, Gentle Reader, it’s only $5.95 a bottle and remember-Treat every meal like it was your last!

Golden Toad Chipotle Pepper Sauce
Golden Toad Inc.
P.O. Box 261699, Littleton, CO 80163-1699