Confidential Communique From Deep-Cover Agent
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I write to you from deep within the lair of the insidious Dr. Etienne Vanderweiss, supercriminal and heinous villain extraordinaire. After three weeks on the inside, I can hardly stand to live amongst these criminals for much longer. Only one thing keeps me going: Branding Iron Foods’ Blazin-Hot Stuff. Without this all-natural, fiery-hot barbecue-style sauce, I fear I might go insane. I’ve managed to procure hacked wireless network access, though I’m not certain just how long it will last. I’ve included as many pictures for your files as I could.
The sauce is amazing. I have no idea how Dr. Vanderweiss got his hands on such a wonderful blend of white vinegar, tomatoes, honey, lemon juice, horseradish, hickory smoke, and hot chili extract, but I can’t imagine he came about it legally. The smell of this sauce brings me back for taste after taste, leaving my lips and tongue burning for more. The heavenly scent wafting from the top of the bottle outshines any other barbecue-style sauce I’ve ever smelled. The mixture of hickory smoke, tomatoes, spice, and Worcestershire sauce melds absolutely seamlessly. Surprisingly, though vinegar is the first ingredient, there is no overpowering smell or taste of vinegar.
When paired with a Triscuit, the flavor is top-notch. The first flavor that meets my waiting taste buds is that of the secret blend of 12 natural herbs and spices, one of which is definitely black pepper. The black pepper, in my opinion, completes this sauce perfectly. After the spice, the heat kicks in. Those of you used to hardcore extract sauces may not find this quite hot enough, but it’s definitely the hottest barbecue-style sauce I’ve ever tasted.
Once the sauce meets meat, it truly comes into its own. I procured some turkey sausage during my daily rounds, and immediately made my way back to my berth to pair it with Blazin-Hot. Though I had no access to a grill, the nuked sauce added a needed boost to the sausage, giving it a fire that it would never know on its own. I can only imagine that, when added to such meats over an open heat-source, this sauce would pick up an even smokier flavor, enhancing the best cuts of meat. I have no idea what Dr. Vanderweiss’ plans are for this perfect addition to red meat, white meat, chicken, or seafood, though I’m certain they can’t be good.
This will be my last communication for a while. I fear that my near-obsession for this wonderful sauce may have caused undue attention to be cast my way. This morning, Dr. Vanderweiss’ evil sidekick, Hotty McHothott, watched me as I smuggled a case of Blazin-Hot Stuff through the hallway to my berth. I could feel her eyes boring holes in me. I’m afraid my time here may be short. If I don’t make it out, please… remember me fondly… and try the sauce… it’s excellent!
Over and out…
Ace McGillicuddy
Agent 00-Negative
***END COMMUNIQUE***
Ingredients: Pure white vinegar, filtered water, diced tomatoes in juice, English-Style Worcestershire sauce (no anchovies), secret blend of 12 natural herbs & spices, Oregon Clover honey, concentrated lemon juice, x-hot horseradish, salt, natural hickory smoke, precooked food starch, hot chili extract, natural Xanthan (as stabilizer).
“Heat is neat – but savor the flavor!”
4.9 out of 5.0!
E.Z.Earl’s Smokin-Hot Stuff
Branding Iron Foods
P.O. Box 582
Renton, WA 98057
425.306-7898, FAX: 425.251.0251
www.brandingironfoods.com