Once upon a time
In a small Jersey town
Was a hot wing contest
Dubbed the hottest aroundIt was brought together
By a madman you see
Who tortures his victims
Before he declares victoryA man dressed in black
Wears goggles and a respirator
Who has an evil chuckle
And is known as the CreatorThe location was named
The Alley it would be
For the biggest Defcon Day
In historyThe stage had been set
Now the people he’d need
So on to the blog
To plant the seedFree wings and a contest
Are sure to grab the eye
Of many a blogger
Willing to tryThe blog was abuzz
With all sorts of talk
Who would win the contests
And who would walkAs the talk grew louder
And smack was laid down
The contest now needed
To be the baddest aroundWhat would he do
To insure this fate
And whittle it down
To one truly greatAlas a death match
Was born to decide
The winner of the talkers
That would make most men hideIt started at one…
Among other things
All free to sample
Were plenty of wingsAs the time ticked on
More bloggers appeared
Some were calm
And some were gearedWings and beer
And beer and wings
Two of most bloggers
Favorite thingsPeople drank as they ate
And ate as they talked
All sharing their stories
Of the travels they walkedSome lived close
And some came from far away
All to take part
In the infamous dayFinally it was time
To get on with the show
Contest #1
And the excitement would growThe contest was started
And the crowd all cheered
As plenty of hot wings
Soon disappearedWe had a winner
And Creator smiled with a grin
How come their was no hot sauce
dripping from his chin?Contest #2 was started
And ended like #1
Some entered for the thrill
And some just for funAs the time passed by
We all knew what was next
The deathmatch was ready
To put em to the testA wavier was signed
By all that wanted in
Cause this was some shit
That was beyond most sinsThe sauce was hot
A scorching .5
All that was needed
Was to stay alive10 wings would be set out
For each man to eat
Then sit at the table
To sweat out the heatThree entered the contest
Each one knew why
All had something to prove
But they kept that insideHuvason, Mr Freeze
And the Big Show
All had the balls
To tell Creator “go”They each downed some wings
Lickity split
Their tongues on fire
But they didn’t quitMr Freeze finished first
It was almost a tie
We needed a replay
Cause its quicker than the eyeThen it came time
To sit and sweat
They weren’t giving up
No, not yetThey all agreed
To stop it right there
It wouldn’t change the outcome
So they didn’t careMr Freeze was the winner
But not to sigh
Cause Huvason and Big Show
Can hold their heads highThe match was over
And so was the day
Fun was had by all
In their own special wayThanks to Creator
For the spectacular show
And all those not there
Next time you should go
Written by ChrisK
Nick Lindauer founded Hot Sauce Blog in 2004, making it one of the internet's very first hot sauce review sites. After 20+ years of tasting, reviewing, and attending every major fiery foods event in the country, he's back behind the keyboard covering the hot sauce world he helped build.
75 responses to “Ode to Defcon Day”
Well Done Chris, perhaps I shall grant you a second reprieve….Nah.
The Createss just read it and nearly fell off her chair laughing.
Again, well done!
[Comment ID #47383 Quote]
“a second reprieve”??? OK, maybe I will need it…lol 😉
Ha ha, I’ve always thought you had a way with words, really great Chris.
Man he is a poet, and doesn’t even know it.
That is awesome chrisk you should seriously think about writing into halmark 🙂
It amazes me everytime i see something like that, just how some people have a way with words.
Really well done. I cheers to you!!!
Well done Chris………
My hats off to you chrisk…very nice…….
[Comment ID #47386 Quote]
Thank you Kristi, Im lucky, I have some great inspiration 😉
[Comment ID #47390 Quote]
Are you talking about me 😉
“We had a winner
And Creator smiled with a grin
How come their was no hot sauce
dripping from his chin?”
Hey Creator, any chance of you entering your own contest in the future? I’d be happy to wear the goggles and be the judge for you. lol
[Comment ID #47396 Quote]
It has got to be you huv…………..who else could it be ???????
[Comment ID #47398 Quote]
I think it was all of you, hell even I was inspired that day. To do what I’m not sure but I did feel inspiration! lol
[Comment ID #47399 Quote]
Looked like you were inspired to do shots to me (lol)……
[Comment ID #47400 Quote]
haha, I was only doing shots to help numb the pain for you guys in the deathmatch.. I figured you could live vicariously through me.
What a load of s*** I know.
[Comment ID #47401 Quote]
Yea, I will say thanks anyhow…..How was the fair ???
I was interesting, not sure if you saw last nights comments but there was whole farm animal thing going on, it was pretty funny. Had a better time the first half of the day at the beach.
[Comment ID #47397 Quote]
And take the fun away from the rest of you? Not a chance. You must remember, I did ingest quite a bit of that evil stuff the evening before, trying to bring it up to the proper heat level and seeing how it tasted on a wing. Oh, the crosses I bear……. 🙂
[Comment ID #47406 Quote]
No missed the comments last night, out having a couple of drinks….
[Comment ID #47407 Quote]
Excuses, excuses! Just kidding.
I can relate, our newest sauce is pretty hot, at least for my taste buds and I was filled with dread every time I had to taste it until we got the that heat level we were looking for. Mouth on fire, stomach realing, good times!
[Comment ID #47402 Quote]
Kristi I need you to do something for me Leroy got struck by lighting last night when he was up on the roof holding the antenne so we could try to watch Gator wrestling, Hell I forgot he was up there. He said lighting did not hurt it was falling on the outhouse that hurt. We took him over to the Vet. He’s going to be Ok He lost another finger and couple of more teeth. I think he’s got few more left. But could you send him a get well note. He would beholding to you.
[Comment ID #47408 Quote]
Good for you, is Thursday night considered THE night to go out in Indiana? It is here, all the bars are packed.
[Comment ID #47410 Quote]
HAHAHA, I guess you really are just this entertaining, either that or you started drinking early! lol
I’m gonna give you a call later.
[Comment ID #47411 Quote]
No not really, I just don’t get to do it much working third shift………….
[Comment ID #47413 Quote]
Well enjoy it while you can. Don’t get too used to it though, it will make it that much worse when you have to go back. UGH!
Oh, and have one for me! I don’t really ever go out to bars ,unless theres gonna be some fellow bloggers inflicting pain upon themselves of course!
[Comment ID #47414 Quote]
Yeah, I don’t go out to the bar to much either. Usually just go and hang out at a friends house or they come here and we do some grilling have a few drinks or sit around the fire, maybe play some cards whatever just hang out……..To smokey in the bar for me…………
[Comment ID #47420 Quote]
Kind of ironic that NJ has less smokey bars than Indiana. I guess the outdoor chemical breeze is a good replacement though.
[Comment ID #47421 Quote]
I am sure that is much better for you….that chemcal wouldn’t be capsaicin would it ?????
[Comment ID #47422 Quote]
Just the thought brings a tear to my eye. 🙂
If we could only be so lucky, more like multi-colored vapors that rise off the various tailings ponds in the area. Pretty cool when it’s a humid night though, we have our own Aurora Borealis. 🙂
Creator, has anyone ever told you ……you have to be the strangest guy to ever post on this thread?
or this blog 😛 whichever you prefer
Booger, great poem once again.
Good stuff! I was surprised at the length but being a prolific writer I guess you can do that. I stuggle with stuff like that so that is why I quit in high school writing poems!
Good Job Chris K “from the blog” lol
[Comment ID #47430 Quote]
Thank you. 🙂
LOL your welcome!!
I am glad you took that in the correct context, I thought about how i posed the question and wondered if maybe i should ammend what I had said.
[Comment ID #47441 Quote]
Nah, I learned a long time ago not to be truly concerned how people view me. I know who I am, and virtually everyone who has met me has had fun and laughs. I like my twisted view of things, it keeps the creative juices flowing between my auditory canals. Hell, I’m celebrating my third anniversary today, if The Createss can put up with me for three years, anyone can. 🙂
[Comment ID #47451 Quote]
Happy Anniversary to you and the Createss!
[Comment ID #47451 Quote]
Three years – congrats! Mine was tuesday – 8 years
it will be 3 years for Ryan and I next month 😀
[Comment ID #47455 Quote]
Congrats Huv and Mrs. Huv!
Congrats from me as well Huv and Mrs.Huv and congrats to the Creator and Createss..Have a good one and enjoy………….
Thanks everybody, and Congrats to you Huv!
Gee, with all the happiness and cheer running rampant around here, I’m getting that warm fuzzy feeling….Ooops, nope, it was just gas. 😀
[Comment ID #47456 Quote]
And a pre-emptive Congratulations to the “Ryans”!
[Comment ID #47461 Quote]
HAHAHA, you threw me off there for a brief moment…..
CONRATS TO ALL THE ANNIVERSARY FOLKS!!!!!
Now thats mint!
[Comment ID #47466 Quote]
ANNIVERSARY (See how I did it #39 coming up) and I’m only 48.
[Comment ID #47412 Quote]
Gave you a call but i guess you left for the day, either that or you were busy counting ur gators in the back room. I’ll try you again tomorrow.
Wow, great Poem Chris! What happened, was I the only one that had to work today? 🙂 Been very busy today, just got a chance to get a glimpse of the blog. Happy anniversary to all the anniversary folks!. Didn’t get to read everything, but I’ll get to it after work.
Bret, got your email earlier, thanks man!
[Comment ID #47473 Quote]
I’m still here I was talking too Big Daddy I think when you call. But I do need to update everybody. Leroy Had a good day so far we have him out on front porch and with dog licking his finger stump I think the healing will be real Quick.
[Comment ID #47475 Quote]
The Get Well card is in the mail.
[Comment ID #47476 Quote]
Party Saturday night on Rush Street in Chicago. I hear there’s a pieces of Beef there with my name on it.
Congrats all!
The mrs and i will be 2 years this comming monday. How time flies!!!
Thats one hell of a poem chris, nice job
[Comment ID #47475 Quote]
Is that why I couldn’t get him earlier ? 🙂
[Comment ID #47486 Quote]
What’s up there Mr huvason.
[Comment ID #47494 Quote]
To quick on say it button. Sauce is doing real good. Sent some to DK today plus a bunch of other stuff.
[Comment ID #47494 Quote]
Not much my friend. Just driving home – eeady to kick back some beer and make some sauce
[Comment ID #47495 Quote]
That’s good to hear! Sent you habby horse today (busy week sorry) and a present (or 2 or 3)
How are you!
[Comment ID #47497 Quote]
Getting ready for a food show in Chicago Leave Sat come home on Tuesday.Big Big buying show for use.
[Comment ID #47497 Quote]
Thank you . That will be nice to come too.
[Comment ID #47499 Quote]
I think the word home was missing
Have fun at the show Bret!
[Comment ID #47480 Quote]
I was there last night! Still in Chicago – leaving tomorrow.
[Comment ID #47502 Quote]
Did you get to go out and enjoy some food and drink. I hope
[Comment ID #47502 Quote]
What time are you flying out
[Comment ID #47501 Quote]
Hey brian, is your stuff sold in the hot sauce shop in holbrook? Its like 10 minutes from my house and I need to get some tonight
[Comment ID #47505 Quote]
It is sold at Pepperheads Hot Sauces in Port Jeff. I’m not sure what is in Holbrook. Sounds like I need to talk to them…
[Comment ID #47504 Quote]
The plane leaves about 5PM. I’m up here doing a consulting gig. We’ve had some time for fun, but it has been pretty busy.
[Comment ID #47506 Quote]
I’m going there now. I will get cotact info for you and send later
[Comment ID #47507 Quote]
Thought we might cross paths. In around 3…
OK wife time. Dinner and Maybe just maybe I might get lu. OOps out of here.
[Comment ID #47510 Quote]
Good night bret
[Comment ID #47495 Quote]
Holy crap! I thought you were just gonna send the case for the FC500! Man, you didn’t have to do that Bret! Should I be careful opening it? No gator or rattlesnake in the package I hope. 🙂
I’m making some jerky this weekend and sending some out, you want some? I promise it’s not road kill or anything! 🙂 Made with 96/4 extra lean ground. Works great with the jerky gun. Gonna add some Fatalii Fire and Black Mamba to it for a pretty good kick. Last batch I made was hot as hell!
[Comment ID #47509 Quote]
What airline? I’m on United. I’ll probably be at the airport around 3:30. Call me if you get a chance!
[Comment ID #47498 Quote]
For use? He’s practicing that Chicago accent for the trip, as in- “Use guys gonna be needin’ dat?” 🙂
[Comment ID #47508 Quote]
OK i Lied 😀 Going tomorrow….