All are free to join us at The Table of Virtue, and your chance to ascend to the rank of Supreme DEFCON Acolyte of The Inner Circle. The rules are quite simple, you must consume 10 cute and cuddly, harmless little wings, coated in a “special”Β DEFCON Deathmatch sauce, in 4 minutes. Nothing to it. But beware, as many have sat at The Table, but few have walked away with the bragging rights, and the special “DEFCON Deathmatch”Β t-shirt, which CANNOT be purchased, it must be earned. We have had about a dozen or so of these matches, and they have become somewhat of a cult following. The very first title of “Supreme DEFCON Acolyte of The Inner Circle”Β was granted to a fellow gentleman who drove all the way from Indiana to New Jersey to compete. Since then, only a select few have rivaled this feat. It is NOT for the faint of heart, and, oh yeah, asthmatics and those with any respiratory problems need not apply for participation, as they are banned from the contest altogether.Past events have been filled with many memorable moments, from people nearly passing out, to evacuations from the orifice of your choice, all the time being rooted on by countless fans, rivaling that of the Coliseum in Rome. Honor is at stake, for those who compete are given Honor by the DEFCON Collective, but also castigation by the newly-knighted Supreme DEFCON Acolyte, as he has gained the spoils of battle, and will rub it in your face endlessly if you do not succeed in besting him in battle.
Now, the event will be taking place Saturday evening, after the show at an eatery next to Jungle Jim’s. If you are interested in either competing or just to watch the carnage, just come to the DEFCON booth and inquire within. Contestants will be asked to sign up, so I can get a headcount.
So The DEFCON Creator welcomes you to The Table of Virtue, and wishes to see your ascension into the Hallowed Halls of the Supreme Acolytes.
Here are the simple rules:
1. Gloves MUST be worn for the duration of the event.
2. Contestants MUST sign Defcon Release Form.
3. Asthmatics and those with respiratory issues are NOT to compete!
4. 10 wings will be served and must be consumed within 4 minutes.
5. After the 5 minutes, contestants will be relieved of any refreshments.
6. Contestants will then place hands, palms down on the table for 5 minutes.
7. Lifting a hand or hands off the table will result in immediate disqualification.
8. If more than one contestant survives the duration, the contestant that consumed all the wings first wins.
9. ANY amount of vomiting will cause immediate disqualification, and the individual is responsible for cleaning it up.
Written by Creator
Nick Lindauer founded Hot Sauce Blog in 2004, making it one of the internet's very first hot sauce review sites. After 20+ years of tasting, reviewing, and attending every major fiery foods event in the country, he's back behind the keyboard covering the hot sauce world he helped build.
30 responses to “Jungle Jim’s Defcon Deathmatch”
Yikes! Count me in! π
“10 cute and cuddly, harmless little wings, coated in a Γ’β¬ΕspecialΓ’β¬Β DEFCON Deathmatch sauce”
Well put, I don’t think anything could be closer to the truth π
I had forgotten about that picture. LOL!
Holy smokes, no quarter given here!
Although I do have some asthma, I’ve never had it triggered by anything incendiary. Perhaps asthmatics with medication at the ready can be considered.
Looks like the Evil Kitty grin……
I should know
Since I’ll be next to DEFCON all weekend, I’m going to have to participate! Maybe… lol
Any suggestions for training the exit orifice?!? -Lars-
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LOL! You’ll probably get a tan from being next to the booth all weekend.
As for the exiting of the Deathmatch sauce. Well, hopefully the endorphins are still kicking in. “)
I would love to enter, but because a little stomach surgery, I can’t eat fast. Would I be able to sample 1 cute & cuddly wing?
[Comment ID #107344 Quote]
How a about teaspoon of sauce?
Even if I do not participate in eating any of those cute and cuddly deathwings. Would I be able to video tape the event for all prosperity? π -Lars-
[Comment ID #107350 Quote]
Mosy certainly.
It sounds like it is more fun to watch anyways.
[Comment ID #107362 Quote]
Isn’t that just another way of saying you can’t handle it? π
[Comment ID #107348 Quote]
If a teaspoon is all I can get, I will have to accept it with honor. Although, I would prefer the chicken wing effect as a whole and gain a better perpective from the bite. Thusly, understanding the full impact of the undertaking of those who’s stomach linings and bowel remnants were forever altered in said process. After which I might pray to the heavens that I did in fact of an operation that saved my very existence. Either way, I need some more #1. π
[Comment ID #107363 Quote]
Maybe!, But if I could make it to the show I would definitely try! Any chance of a match @ Zestfest?
It wouldn’t be the first time I tried something stupid that people laughed at me about.
I assume it’s palms down on the table so that you can’t touch your burning lips.
[Comment ID #107371 Quote]
Probably not, considering I’m flying in Thursday afternoon and flying back to NJ Friday early afternoon.
[Comment ID #107373 Quote]
Actually, as the sweat drips into your eyes, people have been known to instictively wipe their brow with their hand. It’s amazing to see their reaction when they find out they’ve been disqualified.
[Comment ID #107374 Quote]Well now I know to wear a headband! I love your Deathmatch! It is genius ideas like that that really get people talking, plus it challenges a guys manhood. Like I said earlier it is probably more fun to watch. Nothin’ like lighting people up. Do many get the hiccups?
You could have a Tournament of Champions where ony contestants who have already won were eligible.
[Comment ID #107380 Quote]
The Champ still needs a belt. π
I like that, maybe with a giant golden nutsack as a buckle.
[Comment ID #107380 Quote]
Man, I wouldn’t allow myself to make a product for the “Championship”, that’s just Evil. π
The genius of it is not just the contest itself but the buzz that it causes. People that don’t win brag to their friends that they tried it. People that win brag to everyone else that they won it. People who get disqualified complain to everyone who will listen that they would have won. (by the way just theory not based on actual results). Everything directs interest in your product. Nice work. Did I read that someone shat themselves during competition? How many people do you think heard that story?
[Comment ID #107384 Quote]
Hey, if it puts money in your pocket and nobody dies…Dude it’s not evil, that’s entertainment. Stupidity should be painful, excessively it should cause sterility.
“Did I read that someone shat themselves during competition?”
That is correct. The poor guy thought he’d be disqualified. I told him it wasn’t in the rules, so he could remain in the contest. I will say however, he had a hard time maiking friends afterwards. π
“Stupidity should be painful”
I’ve had a few people say virtually the same thing after they were done.
Ah, yes the first ever Death Match I remember it well. Wish I could make it down to JJ’s on Saturday but as luck would have it I have a manditory day of work. I get all the luck. I may try to make it down after work though just to say hello to everyone. Ya’ll take care now ya hear !!!!
[Comment ID #107307 Quote]
It’s funny, EVERY single picture I have of you at a Deathmatch is THAT SAME picture!!! Well, there’s something to be said about enjoying your line of work right????
I’m hooked. I participated at the Weekend of Fire and can’t wait until the next one. May even road trip some time to do another Death Match.
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And we’d love to have ya. Your and DK’s certificates are going out today, sorry about the delay.