The Burger Guys: Satans Anus Burger

Satans Anus Burger – yep, that’s the name. And it comes pretty close to earning that name as well. I tried this burger on Saturday – the hot wife and I decided to grab a bite for lunch at The Burger Guys after shopping at the Phoenicia Specialty Foods market and as luck would have it, the guys were out of hot dogs that day. I was initially going to order the “Boise: potato wrapped, deep-fried dog, onion bacon jam” but because they were out of dogs, I found myself staring again at the menu when out of the corner of my eye I saw the words “ghost chile & habaneros”. I asked the guy if it was a sauce and he informed me that it was in fact a burger. Immediately I responded that I wanted it and after he confirmed “Are you sure?”, my hot wife laughed and said, “Yes, he wants that.” Even after ordering, the cook looked at the order and then asked me if I wanted it mild or regular. I had to confirm, again, that I did indeed want it all the way.

Having two separate confirmations that I wanted it that hot actually had me a little worried – I mean, I did have to take Lauren shopping after lunch – was I going to be able to make it?

Duck Fat Fries

First to come out was our order of the “Brussels: twice cooked, hand-cut fries, finished in DUCKFAT!” Fries can make or break a burger joint for me – and these fries are fantastic. Twice cooking the fries leaves them with a crunchy exterior and a soft butter like interior – and they stay fresh the entire meal, unlike a lot of fries that are limp and worthless within 3 minutes of getting them. The duck fat adds a great flavor to the fries, making these potato treats close to, if not better then, steak house fries.

After digging into the fries, the burgers were ready. Each burger at The Burger Guys comes out on a round metal tray and open faced so you can see the goodness that you are about to consume.

Satans Anus Burger

Satans Anus: Bacon, provolone, onions, grilled pineapple, Ghost Chiles, Habaneros, Jalapenos & Pequin Chiles. In the picture above, the provolone is melted over the onions, bacon, jalapenos and pequin chiles. The habaneros are tucked underneath the patty and the ghost chiles are in the mayo (I think – they could have been under the cheese as well).

Satans Anus Burger Close Up

You can see the habaneros peaking out from the side of the burger – I would guess there was at least 3 habaneros on the burger alone.

Satans Anus Burger Profile

From this shot, you can see just how juicy the burger from the Burger Guys are – I ordered mine medium, knowing it would be the perfect medium rare. I cut into the burger and tentatively took my first bite – remember at this point I was still worried I might not be able to walk out of the joint.

Unexpectedly, the heat was not so overpowering that I couldn’t take another bite – it built up a bit, but I was able to finish the burger without any problems. The biggest problem I had was that it was so juicy, I had burger goodness and pepper juice dripping down my arms and the sweet challah burger bun couldn’t hold up to it all. I ended up mixing the shrapnel of the burger with some fries to make sure I cleaned my plate well.

Heat wise – this is leaps and bounds above the Red Robin Ghost Burger – but it’s not so hot that a true heat head can’t finish it. And it’s got great flavor – the sweetness of the pineapple and the fruitiness of the peppers balance the savory flavors of the bacon, beef and sauteed onions.

Next time, I would like to see more raw peppers (for more heat) rather then sauteed and mixed in with the onions and no pineapple. I would probably switched that out for a fried egg – or perhaps the fried onion strings – but that’s because I prefer savory flavors over sweet.

How did I fare the rest of the day? Perfectly fine & normal – minus a slight warming of my stomach. There was no “Satans Anus” to the end of the day for me.

If you are in Houston, like hot food and haven’t tried this burger yet – get yourself over to the Burger Guys asap. You might miss the sign on the outside, but your nose will show you the way. And if you are coming to Houston for the Hot Sauce Festival – be sure this place is a stop on your itinerary.